Life as a WHale

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2012-01-29T19:07:00.001-08:00

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October

2011-11-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

Jed recently took a business trip to Korea and Malaysia. Was I jealous? You can't even imagine. But more on that later. I did not do a whole lot while he was gone besides be jealous, work, and tend to Braden; but I did have the honor of having Eli and Jude spend the night one fine Friday evening. Rox, one of my oldest and best friends, is their mamma, and you have no idea how much I love her and her family. Anyway, here are the kiddos playing outside together.

Eli, the super serious oldest child, does not exactly enjoy having his picture taken, but I did get one good one of his sweet face. :)
Jude--aka Ju-Ju, on the other hand adores the camera and was created to perform.
Braden loved having them here...
And when Jed returned, Halloween was quickly upon us. Here's Mario trick-or-treating at his Grandma's house. We went downtown with a few other families and kiddos and had so much fun trick-or-treating for the 45 minutes that it lasted. Here's Wyatt, Braden's partner in crime, Luigi!
Eli and Ju-ju, the awesome superheroes!

There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters

2011-11-24T19:23:00.001-08:00

I felt like you'd like another picture, so here it is....my amazing sisters whom I love and adore more than life itself.

The picture editor is at http://pixlr.com/o-matic/

Did I tell you I'm in love? Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Random

2011-11-18T14:15:00.000-08:00

*A Hair Stylist's Nightmare*

A friend sent me the coolest picture editor today. So I needed to try it out. This is from June...can we say sliiiightly overdue?

I've had a rough few months but am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll write more about that later. I keep saying that, and I am obviously a liar. Oh, well...you can't always be good.

The New Blog

2011-10-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have successfully watched July, August, and September pass by without writing. You're welcome. I wish I could blame it on the pregnancy, a time of peace and respite in my life, or something else noble. But it is because I've been such a wreck that I have had no clue what to write about. I probably need to post an update on our lives, on Braden's little evolving world, and post some pictures. And I will. But I also am going to write about what I have been going through, and what I am still going through.

Warning: this blog is about to change, and I am not going to be advertising it on facebook or anywhere else, but if you know someone who is struggling through similar things, you are welcome to share it. And if you're embarrassed for me that I am writing this and *gasp* putting it on the WORLD WIDE WEB, you can unfollow me or stop reading my blog. I will NOT be offended. :)

Ask me about my marriage, my child, my spiritual life, my job, my opinions, and I'll tell you everything you want to know (and everything you DON'T want to know...I'm quite a talker). And therefore I create a mirage for others that I have it together and I have some answers! But the truth is that I am actually private about things until I have been through them and have come out alive, better, and with an important lesson to teach others. I have been incredibly convicted of my motives for this over the past month. I do NOT want you to know that I am struggling. I want you to know that I've struggled. I do NOT want you to know that I fall apart on a regular basis. I want you to know that I have fallen apart before. I do NOT want you to see me cry, know that I feel insecure and vulnerable, or know that I don't have it together. I want you to know that those are all in my past and now I have it together because I am superwoman, I am an awesome wife, and I am the perfect mom all while working and overcommitting to the max degree. All of these are lies from the pit of hell. I AM struggling, I AM falling apart, I AM crying a lot, I AM insecure, and I AM NOT any of those awesome things I mentioned a minute ago. I have also had some of the darkest nights of my life in the last few months that have been filled with anxiety and I have not wanted to get out of bed some mornings.

God has been gracious enough to place a couple of close girlfriends and a few close family members in my life who have walked with me through the last few months. And they are still walking with me. I have felt loved by them and not judged, and I have really needed it. I have not needed answers or 10 things to make it better, and they have gotten that. They have listened, loved, and said, "We're here and we're not leaving."

I HAVE needed my Daddy's sermons, and I HAVE needed worship in a completely new way. I am learning to fall in to the arms of a Father who UNDERSTANDS, who sees my weaknesses, who dances over me when I am sobbing, and who gives me sufficient grace, righteousness, and joy in the midst of pain.

I am going to use this blog as a place for me to talk about the dark nights, the struggle to "get" God, and the weakness that I have experienced. I am not fixed, and that is my story. It will be until the day I die and God restores and fixes everything about me. But I have a God who heals me and who wants me and who sent his son to do everything I wish I could do for me. And I'm going to fall more and more in love with the reality of this.

Whew. I'm exhausted. More later....

Thanks, John Bunyan!

2011-08-22T08:31:00.001-07:00

John Bunyan:

Sometimes when my heart has been hard, dead, slothful, blind, and senseless, which indeed are sad frames for a poor Christian to be in, yet at such a time, when I have been in such a case, then has the blood of Christ, the precious blood of Christ, the admirable blood of the God of Heaven, that run out of His body when it did hang on the Cross, so softened, livened, quickened, and enlightened my soul, that truly, reader, I can say, O it makes me wonder!

The Doctrine of the Law and Grace Unfolded (London, 1708), 183.

I swear I'll be back to write about what's been going on in heart and home very soon...but for now, know that this verse is quite defining for me right now.

Blogging at Ruminate

2011-07-07T07:20:00.001-07:00

I've long been a Poetry Reader for the literary magazine, Ruminate. I LOVE the magazine and am honored to read the submissions each round and help decide who will be published.

Today I blogged for their blog what's been on my heart lately. :)

Click here to Check it out!!

Loving Difficult People

2011-06-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone wound you by being "ugly" (as my mamma would say)??

Have you ever had someone completely drive you crazy and annoy you half to death?

Have you ever had someone accuse you of something you legitimately did not do?

Have you ever wondered if someone's mamma didn't spank them enough?

Have you ever become a hermit during certain events because you wanted to avoid a certain person?

Have you ever wondered if people think that about you?

I haven't.

Just kidding. It happens often to me, and I don't handle it well. Sometimes I bottle it up. Sometimes I practice to the mirror what I'd say back if he/she said that again to me. Sometimes I fall apart and cry. And almost always I mentally defend myself because I feel like what God says about me is not enough.

I've been struggling with my response to people who hurt me over the last 6 months or so. So a couple of days ago I found Beth Moore's "Loving Difficult People" study on youtube. Some of you just read Beth Moore and are really excited, but others of you (possibly my Presbo friends) are thinking that she's not what the pastor recommends. I was in the same boat a few weeks ago--but now I say that when you give me the name of another FEMALE who has recorded Bible Studies that are Biblically sound and speak to me like this, I'll listen to her too. :)

Anyway, check the first part out Here:

Loving Difficult People

And once you listen to it, on the right side you can choose part 2,3,4,5, and 6 as well. Part 6 kicked my butt. I listened to the whole thing during my workout this morning. It. was. awesome.

Also, does anyone follow someone's sermons or Bible Studies that really speak to you? I'll listen to men but am particularly even more interested in women speakers. :) Comment much if you have ideas for me!

First Trimester

2011-06-15T19:18:00.000-07:00

First Trimester....CHECK.

I'm 13 weeks yesterday, and the child is the size of a medium shrimp. Unfathomable that my medium shrimp already has veins, organs, fingernails, and more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries if she's a girl. Hopefully. Not hopefully she's a girl. Hopefully he developed all that other stuff. If not, I'm still pretty sure we'll love himher the same.

Rejoice!

2011-06-14T04:45:00.000-07:00

Let's just say I can't wait until Sunday morning. :)

3 Cheers for Exercise!

2011-06-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

I have been coping with feelings of insecurity, self-esteem, and anxiety during the first trimester of this pregnancy. The nausea and lethargy have been a real challenge for me. I can handle the sickness itself, but the results have welcomed some dark moments for me. I am a do-er. I like to get things done, check things off my list, have the house clean, have people over for dinner, work, read, volunteer, get out and be active with my family, and spend time with Jed. And I really like to exercise. Exercise is my way of gathering endorphins and energy, my inspiration for eating well, my sense of accomplishment, and it just plain old makes me feel good. But during the first trimester, chasing a one year old around and pushing through the bare necessities (grocery trips, work, etc.) has been all I can handle.

Last week I began feeling better, and this week I began my exercise regime again. Right now my calves feel like someone is stabbing them, my butt is hardly sittable, my quads are screaming, and my back is difficult to turn. But I feel good. I feel tough again like the warriors that we women are. I feel strong, like I can “do,” and playing with Braden is a joy once again. I also don’t feel quite as insecure or ugly. This has nothing to do with looking better just the feeling better part.

So I went and spent a bit of money on badly needed maternity clothes. Jed was just ecstatic (Sarcasm, people.)

Anyway, my point is that I need exercise in my life. Evidently I am quite a miserable being without it and I feel terrible about myself. Dr. Tinker told me that some things are chemical and cannot be controlled by reading the Bible or praying more. I now believe him even more. I believe God gave me exercise to rejuvenate me…He designed me like this, and I am going to take advantage of it. Even if I am too pitifully out of shape to run my 3 mile route in the miserable heat. I like my Tony Horton, and I will let him kick my butt indoors.

So today I am raising my glass to exercise!

I have no good connection, but here is some of the fun Braden had this week.

Wyatt is moving and so he came over to get a break from his parents and all the ugly boxes. And Eli and Jude stopped by to say hello for a bit in the afternoon.

Our washing machine box turned house (although this confused Eli because technically there is no door). I love these boys, and Braden thought he was so big playing with them.

Summa Time!

2011-06-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

Introduction: I was never sick while pregnant with Braden. With this pregnancy, I have hardly made it through a day without feeling like I was going to vomit at any given moment and oftentimes doing so.

Yesterday's conversation between Jed and me:
Whitney: I think I'm feeling better.
Jed: I can tell!
Whitney: How?
Jed: The den is picked up and you planned dinner.

Wow. And he's right. By picked up he meant not in shambles with to do piles all over the kitchen table. And by dinner he meant that I actually went to the store and bought food for meals and even set out some of the ingredients for him to make dinner because I had a meeting to attend.
And by the way. Homeboy can make some mean turkey wraps although cooking is most definitely not a pleasure for him.

And on to the pictures from May since I haven't felt like posting hardly anything. We threw a small party for the little man last Sunday for his first birthday.

I ordered this AMAZING cake from Bit Bakes. Adonia makes incredible cakes and is raising money for she and her husband to adopt a baby. She also works at Bethany Christian Services. So she's a winner in my book!! Also, the cake tasted amazing.Last weekend, Jed took off Friday-Tuesday and we had a staycation. Let's just say we did not stop and we filled our time with insane amounts of fun things. We went to the Sunset Symphony with some people from church, visited the zoo with 2 couples from church and my family, played frisbee golf, visited the park, bought a new car to replace the one that was totaled in the wreck, went to a birthday party for sweet Sawyer Ray, and had good, solid time together. It. Was. Awesome. And here are just a few pics to prove it.

And then there were FOUR!

2011-05-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, Jed declared that we should begin the dash for the next baby. He said it was because I seemed so happy being with Braden and working from home writing/editing.

But I know the truth.

If you read my blogs about the long road we walked down to add Braden to our family, you understand his inclination. I am quite certain that Jed recognized that the longer it took, the more emotion and drama he would have to deal with--long nights of my why-doesn't-my-womb-work crying and days of tears watching siblings play together hoping and praying that God would bless Braden in that sweet way.

Or maybe he was telling the truth. Or maybe it was a bit of both. Who knows?

I will tell a short story now:

Two months later I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant (10 weeks now).

I told you it was a short story!

I looked up giggling and told God, "You are hilarious. Really?? This easy this time??"

His grace and mercy washes over even the weakest of sinners!

So ladies and gentlemen, here is the newest addition to our family, 19 months younger than Braden, due December 20! We are humbled and ecstatic that God has given new life to our family.
I am overjoyed at the thought of giving Braden a sibling. Maybe that's because we went to the park last night and I watched as he made comical little faces and noises at the older kids. It's time somebody taught that kid some social skills. Jed says he's just one. I think he's a nerd. Agree to disagree.

Also, I cannot even explain how much I adore my sisters and absolutely think they're the best gift my parents ever gave me. Jed feels the same way about his brothers. But of course in a manly, I-eat-red-meat kind of way. Obviously. Now Braden gets that too!

I will update more on the day to day happenings soon. But Jed is taking a long weekend, and we are staycationing. Yesterday we watched Harry Potter, played disc golf, and visited the park playground and today we are off to the Sunset Symphony.....love spending time with my little fam.

Happy Birthday, Braden!!

2011-05-15T03:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Braden,

One year ago today, you shattered my expectations for being a parent. I felt like a million cables literally bound me to you in the most supernatural way. My expectation was that I'd love you, but I'd be frustrated at giving up a little of my independence. The frustration and difficulty of giving up my independence cannot even compare to the careless, freeing joy of loving a son. Your little soul changed me at the core of who I am, and you will not understand how resounding that is until you are a parent too.
The crazy, unprecedented, hormonal mood swings and hours of tears I shed were quite a shock as well. I still look at a brand new mom and almost cry for her because of what she was just introduced to--an entire breadth and world of emotions that were never thought possible by a rational, thinking, working, intelligent being.

You spent your first few months getting used to me and your dad. You would not crack a smile nor would you look anyone in the face. But every once in awhile, you'd make a crazy dino noise to tell us you were still there and functioning. Soon enough, you woke up from your introspective world and proved that you have some Rieves blood--you love to have fun, you laugh at yourself, and you think you're funny. For example, it is early in the morning, and I just got you out of bed and whispered the first few paragraphs of this letter to you. You giggled, scrunched up your nose, and smatted your forehead against mine knowingly. You are also serious and you are a thinker like your dad. As in, you think everything through, and make pointed, directed actions. And you will not perform on cue. You might have many tricks, but you will not do them on command, you will do them as you feel like it. Also like your dad. Best thing? You love to sing, and you love to dance.

We are so proud of you, and we cannot imagine life without you. But there are a few things you must know:

-I love your dad. He's still my number one. One day you'll leave me, and you'll love another woman. Your dad will always be with me, and by then, he'll be taking me on vacations to Hawaii to lay on the beach and drink toddies. You will be figuring professional life out and having babies that I can spoil and give back.
-Also, we have house rules. Respect the bill-payers. All involved tenants will do chores, and you will say like your father used to say, "I am willing." (This is a Hale family rule. And I like it.)
-Your parents will mess up. We will owe you lots of apologies and make lots of wrong decisions. We will hurt you, and we will make you mad. But you'll be okay. And you will always be able to tell us when we've hurt you. Also, I'll pay for your therapy,
-If you disrespect me and talk back, well....let's just say, don't. do. it.
-We will have fun as a family. It's a rule. It was my favorite rule in my house growing up, and I intend to implement it. There will always be discipline, but there will also always be jumps in mud puddles, slip 'n slides, parties with friends, playing in the rain, huge cardboard boxes, chocolate pie fights, and wrestling.
-There are more....but I'll teach you as we go.

And in the words of Tina Fey for her daughter, I pray this for you as my son:

"Guide her, protect her. When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age."
But most of all, know that you are loved unconditionally. You will never do anything bad enough to take away my love or your dad's love. It's that intense. But bigger than that, God loves you. And He wants you as His own. We believe that more than we believe anything. And when your Dad and I fail you (and we will), you will know that God's love covers that. And when you feel alone or ignored or like a failure, God's love will cover that too. So take His love--it's free, it's yours, and the greatness and fullness of it, you'll never understand it.

I love you, Braden Matthew Hale!

My Uber-talented Baby Sister

2011-05-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

A.K. in SBEC's Talent Show.....poster child for ADD. LOVE.

31 Bits

2011-05-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with this website.Read the women's stories who create these. I didn't tear up reading how amazing these women are. I swear. Sniff.
But seriously, just in case you wondered what I needed. I am in love with all of the necklaces and bracelets. Sigh.
Just thought you might need inspiration....

MIA

2011-04-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've fallen off the face of the earth.

I have some serious grant deadlines over the next couple of weeks and, I'm checking off my grant list: effective wording, consistent formatting, compilation of attachments, director reviews, etc.--all so an organization I really believe in can receive some funding for some really exciting programs! I do like my job, mainly because I believe in the people that I work for. Work without mission sucks. And I don't have to worry about that one!

More on that later.

It is also the season for birthday parties/graduations/vacation planning/weddings/showers and more. But I am thankful that the sun has come out....

I swear I'll fill you in on all the latest very soon. But in the meantime, just a cute picture of my 18 year old sister starring as Marion in the Music Man. She goes to MS State next year. I'm going to cry. A lot.

M-i-S-s-I-S-S-i-p-P-I

2011-04-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Braden's BFF:

Recently Braden played with his friend, Wyatt. They are so cute together. Isn't that shirt Wyatt is wearing trendy??

Don't you think someone should sell them?

Don't you think you'd buy it for tons of money because it's so fashionable?

{{Comment much....my mom makes these shirts with appliques. She's got all sorts--pirate ships, owls, monograms, cupcake, giraffe, lion, crab, and many more . They're my favorites.}}
Rox and I recently braved a trip to the Tunica outlets with the three boys. They all squished in the backseat. Eli entertained the other two, and for a moment, Roxanne and I thought our lives were pleasant and sweet.

Isaac and Mary backed out at the last minute because Isaac got sick. ISAAC--DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! I missed your adorable and most entertaining responses/reactions/expressions that are going to get me my tickets to the Ellen Degeneres show when I tell her you're my son.
Remember the post about our failures as yard-ers? Yes. I made up that word. Leave me alone.

I also am a plant killer.

I would now officially like to blame it on my mom. She has a black thumb. She can play a mean game of tennis, she can give you all the wisdom about mothering you need, and she can sing like a bird. But don't ask her to babysit your plants.

My grandmothers are both excellent plant keepers and my mother-in-love and father-in-love (I saw that somewhere. Doesn't it make in-law sound better?) have the mother of all green thumbs. Jed's mom grew up in heaven--the best farm in Iowa that you could possibly imagine--and she learned a thing or two about greenery. The in-loves have a thriving garden every year and gorgeous flowers, plants, and trees everywhere on their property. They work really hard on it.

This year I have planted a few herbs to "get back on the horse."

Don't judge. I'm starting small. And Braden helped.

And he played with his friend, Isaac, while he dug up my seeds. If they don't grow, I'll blame B this time.Psych! I might have stolen this picture from Mary's blog. She'll probably sue me because she owns the copywright. But it was worth the ensuing suing because I found it humorous that the day after I took these pics, Mary had posted that picture. It was like we had a playdate from afar.
Oh, and also, Braden has received his top two teeth from the Reverse Tooth Fairy. I'm afraid we'll have to change his last name to Rieves as this is a dominant trait in the Rieves family.

From Fear to Freedom

2011-04-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

My family is often viewed as stable, functioning, and spiritually successful (whatever that even means). And my husband is great. He treats me well, he loves me, he has other men hold him accountable to loving me, and he works hard and feels called to his position at NICS. I also have a very healthy, easy going (overall) son. I have incredible friends who love me unconditionally and one in particular who has loved me since 6th grade--through everything including my being a plain old really bad friend. I have a part-time job that I can do "from home" that brings in extra income and allows me to do something I feel charged to do--stay at home with my son (NOT because I think working moms are wrong--I think they're right too. But that's another post).

But it is not enough. I struggle with fear, anxiety, guilt, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, and many more unbecoming nouns. No matter how "put together" my life looks, it is not. My family has issues, Jed and I disagree, I frustrate my friends and that frustrates me, my son tries my patience, and although I know you'll find this shocking--changing diapers, heating and cutting up food, giving snacks, reading baby books, playing with toys, etc. does not always make me feel sexy or fulfilled. Call me ungrateful. Call me thankless. Call me spoiled. All of the above are true.

Yesterday one of my closest friends, Emily, said she'd found a book that we had agreed to read together years ago and we never had. She'd made it halfway through the book in the last few days, and we agreed to have dinner tomorrow night because we like to eat and because we like each other. She's another that's made it many years with me....mark of a true friend. We will also be talking about this book:

I picked it up this morning and started to read Rose Marie Miller's words:

In my blindness and bitterness, I developed coping strategies. For example, I love order; it seems to promise so much. I believed that if I had outward order, then my heart would be at peace. This strategy worked until my first crisis, when I discovered that I could not control myself or my circumstances....I wanted freedom. Especially freedom from the guilt that stormed into my life when I become embittered with the people who had destabilized my world.

Pierce me through the heart, woman! I just love how you make me feel vulnerable and embarrassed!

But then:

Two seventeenth-century theologians were debating on the nature of grace. One said that grace is like one parent guiding a toddler across the room to the other parent, who has an apple for the child. The nearby parent watches the youngster; if he almost falls, this parent will hold him for a moment so that he can still cross the room under his own power. But the other theologian had a different view. For him grace comes to us only in the discovery of our total helplessness. In his concept, we are like a caterpillar in a ring of fire. Deliverance can only come from above.

Excited to keep reading and excited to embrace deliverance.

Running now. B is yelling in his high chair because he needs attention. Or oatmeal.

Do You Read Blogs A Lot?

2011-04-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

I accidentally posted the title alone the other day. I had two quite humorous comments and I'd like to say I'm sorry! I was suddenly and dramatically distracted by a course of events that classified me as a world changer--changing diapers and teaching Braden where his eyes and nose are.

One of my favorite blogs, Rage Against the Minivan, pointed out some blog tricks that are awesome, and I thought I would do the same. IF you like to read blogs (Mom) or just my blog (Minnie), click on this link: Rage Against the Minivan

It will teach you much about the "Follow" button on blogs. Like the one on mine that looks like this:

It will also teach you about Google Reader where you can read all of your blogs in one place. And then it will teach you about the amazing NEXT button that I have now installed. I love it.

Have a lovely day, and stay outta this nastay rain!

Giant Fail of a Yard

2011-03-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

In high school, I used to love cutting the grass on my parent's few acres of land. I'm quite certain it had nothing to do with putting on a bikini, being on a riding lawn mower, and getting a tan. That would be plain vain.

When it comes to our backyard now, I do not even slightly know where to begin with our yard and flower beds. My excellent way of dealing with this has been to ignore that we have a yard or flower beds. You see, I'm very wise and like to consider the long term effects of my actions.

Because I am a mathematician, my evaluation of this issue currently goes something like this:

Baby B
+

It's so sad. It really is. I'd like a place for Braden to play in which I do not dread looking around me. Yes, aesthetic beauty is something that I like. So judge me. Below you can find pictures of our gorgeous flower beds. Weeds and dead shrubbery are my specialty.

And check out the pictures of my son squealing as Nikki places her paw upon the door and pleads, "Release me from the throws of domestic hell."
Here is our backyard--complete with falling fence, grass and weeds in the flower bed, and an entire yard of weeds.

Somebody please call HGTV. Isn't there a show that can help me? Please. Nikki is begging. All she has ever wanted in life is to find a beautiful place to "compost" upon. A beautiful patch of green grass. An escape from her master's demands to "stay in your bed," or "lay your head down."
Well, we did do a bit of work on everything. Pictures of that to come soon.

Zoosberries!

2011-03-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Don't ask what the title means. It's Dr. Seussish, and I like it.

Also I would like to highlight some happenings at the Memphis zoo:

Yesterday was Braden's first zoo trip. He just loved all the animals. He talked about them all day. He skipped around the zoo, and he even begged for us to buy a monkey when we arrived at home. Wait. It's me who is obsessed with the zoo and joined yesterday because I need more zoo in my life. Trust me...zoos are like chocolates. Except I don't want to eat anything from the zoo. Ew.

Eli was probably the only fun kid at the zoo yesterday. Sorry Braden, Isaac, and Jude--your wonder and curiosity is just not that pleasing to me yet. You were all so cute, but let's face it, I had more fun talking to your moms. Also two of you slept in your stroller while Eli entertained me. I'm just speaking facts here, precious children.
While Eli pointed at some strange creature that looked like a brown zebra with horns, he said, "It's a goat!" Poor thing. His parents have never taken him to look at those weird animals. He is left to deliberate animal names based upon what he has seen in cartoon books.
I'm learning how to use Picasa. Don't judge. Or do judge--and teach me how to use the dang program. I'll gladly take free lessons. I'm so lazy I don't want to fix it. Especially because my son is standing in his bed right now making weird fake coughs and fake clearing of his throat noises. This means he would like for me to come and get him.

Also, can you even see the pictures? They look so tiny. I might have to post the pictures like normal until I learn how to collage properly. But until then, I think that if you click on the collage, you can see it bigger in another window.

OKOK--I really have to go. His noises are getting weirder....

Stay tuned for the next post regarding another area of my life I've largely failed in. Maybe I could start blogging all my failures and you'll feel better about yourselves. That's fine. You can laugh at me at my expense. As long as you give me free lessons or help me. Like Roxanne, can you please help me repurpose things in my house? I mean do it for me. And Kelli--can you give me photography lessons and also teach me how to make a collage? I would keep going but ummm...he's definitely getting bed sores.

A Day in My Life...

2011-03-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

I'm upstairs working while I hear this downstairs:
She's reading, playing, telling Braden, "Your mamma had a toy like this," singing, and watching Baby McDonald--all while cackling infectiously. You oughta hear her laugh. I think she more than delights in her family.

The Way of Love

2011-03-11T05:07:00.000-08:00

I have been so struck lately by the Scriptures' call to love and live in unity with one another.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing.

Jed and I have a good friend who has lost relationship with an entire side of his family because of his belief in the Christ of the Scriptures. His own mother has cut him out of her life entirely. I have NEVER heard him refer to this as "picking up his cross" or "spiritual persecution." Instead, many years later, he still pursues his family despite their rejection of him and speaks of his constant longing for their restored relationship. He has been deeply wounded but his response is love.

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

A young woman has lost years of her life to drugs, alcohol, and a pregnancy which resulted in giving up her child for adoption. The love she experienced in order to hand over this child to a family who has the resources, support, and stable environment to raise this child is greater that this young woman could possibly muster up herself.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Still another friend's husband cheated on her and is in the process of leaving her. Her response? She fights for his heart. She does not fight for her husband to love her but fights for him to love Jesus. Do you understand the lonely, devastating nights she has experienced lately? And yet her love is great.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

We have another friend whose mother is addicted to cocaine and has been virtually his entire life. He could tell you stories that would blow your mind. I have never heard him disrespect his mother. Actually, I see him praise and respect his mother, serve her well, and love her deeply. He has devoted his life to pursuing those like him and bringing them to the same well of love that he drinks from.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

Another friend was raped in high school and has experienced deeply difficult times as a result. She has walked through this and has been set free from her sadness by the joy and love that only God offers. She is now deeply and contagiously passionate about what God has done for her and in her soul. She now ministers to others with her story of redemption.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Don't get me wrong, these friends get discouraged, tired, and worn. They give in to the temptations of the flesh. But they do not just believe in what their God has done for them. They have experienced it. They live standing under the Niagara Falls of God's love. They breathe it in daily. They come to the fountain of God's restoration, peace, and joy, and they drink deeply from it.

Praying today that I drink deeply because of my deep pride, arrogance, bitterness, jealousy, and lack of love to those around me....

Credits: The passage is I Corinthians 13 and the "Niagara Falls of God's love" is from my Daddy.

The Love Month

2011-03-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

February flew by. It was like the month was short or something.

Do you wonder what I do all day? When B is asleep, I write grants, manuals, and articles and also I do house things and take a shower. Just kidding about the shower part. I actually started to write out all of the things I do. Let's just say that had I been speaking aloud to Jed, he would have looked at me and asked me to please reconsider listing all those boring things. So I just called them house things. You're welcome. When he's awake, well the pictures show it well...

The Winebrenner boys and B at the park on the one gorgeous day of the month. I took this picture and then Eli said something like, "Take picture Mamma." Psh. Mamma's boy.

~Bath time~
Did you see what I did there? With the clever photo title? Just checking.

Great Minnie reading to B and Nikki.

~Spatula Boy~
He loves that thing. And I love him in only his diaper. We're even.

~Self-portrait. Take 3.~
He's working on it, give him a break.

Playdate with Isaac. I'm pretty sure he taught B to crawl.

Isaac makes the best faces I've ever seen.

I know this is two in a row, but I won't always post pictures of only Braden and other kids. And Roxanne. Hey Roxanne!

Or maybe I will. Just depends on what I decide my blog is tomorrow.

Lately....

2011-03-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

Go ahead. Say this boy doesn't look like his dad. Say his facial expressions don't look like him. Say it. I dare ya.

P-Dub in the House

2011-03-01T07:25:00.000-08:00

I just uploaded (downloaded? My husband is our IT Department, not me.) a ton of awesome pictures, but you'll have to sit around and wonder what they are until I blog about them. Aren't you lucky?

But I WILL tell you about one important event in my life. (Imagine me saying this next part with a reeeeeal thick and slow southern accent.) I'm from Mississippi (without one of the "iss"es) and I don't wear shoes and I ain't never seen nobody famous before....(You can revert back to my normal voice now.)

We finally met the Pioneer Woman! She told us we were a cute group of friends, asked how we knew each other, and asked if we were having dinner after we left.

Then she winked at me and said, "You are my favorite person here, and we are Best Friends Forever. Do you wanna go get a drink?" OK-I made that last part up, but I think that's what she wanted to say.

And guess what?? PW brought Marlboro Man. He had a line too. But we were too late and didn't want to wait for him too. So look what we did, much to the laughter of the line in front of him.

Rox is such a blabbermouth. She just kept talking and talking to PW. We had to pull her away! And here she is--she's just really over the top with MM--he told her he would get a restraining order if she didn't back off!!
Here I am with my boyfriend. I mean Ree's husband. Sorry--sometimes I get confused.

Marks of the True Christian

2011-02-25T05:30:00.000-08:00

I told you I'm taking my time through Romans. As in, I'm really asking God to change me, and I'm reading and re-reading passages. I'm listening to God.

This passage (Romans 12:9-21) has rocked me to the core this week:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Happy weekend, ya'll! I get to see P-Dub tonight, but I'm definitely even more excited about having dinner with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I'll take a picture. These girls are my sisters, and I adore them.

Day #3!

2011-02-24T06:59:00.000-08:00

If you feel like laughing:

If you want to know why pageant girls have bad reps:

If you feel like singing an anthem:

If you want to be called to love others well, know one of the reasons why I'm crazy about adoption, and cry (check out her blog for real inspiration):

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;If you want to laugh again...thanks Lauren:&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VF9-sEbqDvU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

If you want to dance:

YOUTUBE Week Day 2!!!!

2011-02-22T03:56:00.000-08:00

Good morning! I was going to have a theme for each day of this, but alas, I am too ADD. Don't tell anyone.

Today I HAVE to show you a person I know and love...

This is my cousin, Rachel. She's nine. 9. Nine. 9. And she's adorable. And has the wit of a firecracker. Like she's really funny. Oh, and she's really talented.

We sang this song on Sunday morning at church. It's my new favorite. I LOVE this song! This version is a little less funky than the one we did, and forgive some of the cheesy looking people. Bless their hearts. (That's for you, Terrance!) I hope you dance all day to this song because you're singing it in your head. "Your grace is all sufficient, it's an all sufficient grace!"

And now a shout out to our new-ish worship leader, Matt, at Downtown Presbyterian Church. Because he introduced me to that song I love.

Poor thing--not talented at all. :) Bless his heart, too.

YOUTUBE Week Day 1!!!!

2011-02-20T12:53:00.001-08:00

My blog isn't very focused. Some blogs are about cooking, some are about politics, some are about refinishing furniture, some are about family, some are about books--okay you get the picture. My blog doesn't have a theme. And it might not ever have a theme. Unless you consider chaos theme. In that case you'll be happy to know I have a theme.

This week I'd like to showcase some youtube videos that are my faves. I just feel that it's appropriate. Some days youtube makes the world go around. Here's enough for Day 1 of youtube themed week. It's all music. Sorry--I like music:

Hillary--my sis-in-law is always full of amazing music finds. Check The Civil Wars. I think I'm obsessed.

And here's another. I love the contrasts:

And here's a really fun one from them....

Because I love Drama:

I LOVE dancing, and I LOVE this song:

And finally, one of the reasons Braden will take dance lessons:

Peace, people, peace. And happy Sunday.

They Call Him Perfect Jed

2011-02-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

Jed says that he's been getting numerous comments about how wonderful I make him sound in my "How Braden Came to Be" blogs. He says it's a little embarrassing. He's really introverted. And really sheepish. And he says it's not all true and that maybe I make him sound too good.

Heaven forbid.

Jed is not perfect. He's a really picky eater. Please still invite us to dinner. He doesn't like onions. Please still invite us to dinner. He doesn't like cooked tomatoes unless it's in a paste like spaghetti sauce. I like your food. He doesn't like little bits of celery or pepper in his food. I'll still eat anything, and he has a good attitude. Please still invite us to dinner. Jed grew up in Korea and he was home schooled. He's obviously very sheltered. Living in Korea, Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore and America make you very sheltered. Forgive him for not liking those foods.
Isn't he cute though?

That was to prove that not all our newborn pics turned out alright. Thanks, Brooke, for letting us be dorks for a moment.

Jed also doesn't iron his own clothing. He helps with the dishes, he helps vacuum and dust, and he watches Braden, but he refuses to iron. He. won't. do. it. Ask him to iron your shirt! See what happens!!
Jed does not like to speak or sing in public. Nope. He doesn't. Sometimes if he gives a big presentation he says his voice gets shaky. See?? He isn't perfect. He also has a beautiful singing voice. But he doesn't like to sing in public. Or pray in public. Or make public announcements. Or proclaim his love for me loudly from a stage somewhere. Nope. He likes to do those things quietly.

I could just go on and on about how not perfect Jed is.

We do fight. Ask people who are around us a lot. They'll tell you. Sometimes we fight in front of them. Oops. I'll tell you about a fight we get in sometime. That'll be a good blog. Maybe I'll have my 2 readers resolve our argument. Oh, the endless possibilities...
We do try to fight toward something instead of against each other.

I lurve him. Maybe ya'll thought he was perfect bc I called him hot hot hot hot Jed?? Should I not use that many hots?

I Heart Kroger

2011-02-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a gentleman walked by me in Kroger and said, "I've just seen an angel." I thought to myself, "What a cheesy, atrocious pick up line, but geez, I'm totally flattered." (I was in my sweatpants as usual, but I was wearing a cute, pink shirt with them.)

And then I realized he was talking about my son.

Oh well.

FYI--this child is obsessed with wheels. The wheels on his cars, his trucks, his wagon, the jogging stroller, and even the shopping cart at Kroger. He was actually falling out of my arms in Kroger trying to get to the wheels on the cart so he could put them into his mouth, I'm certain.

Happy Kroger-story-telling Day!

How Braden Came to Be....Part IV

2011-02-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Clomid. Ultrasound. No progress. Sadness. That sums up the July and August months for us. OK--not totally. We made certain to have a few date nights and to have some fun. :) I like fun. And I also really like my husband.

Like I said before, Jed gets to go on amazing trips with his work, and he went to China for two weeks with his dad at the beginning of September. Want me to prove it? FINE! Here is his picture of the Great Wall. See why I'm always jealous of him?
While he was gone, my good friend, Andreana, and my sister, Ashley, and I went to Nashville for a weekend. We had a really relaxing time and while we there I started, ahem....(again, don't keep reading this paragraph if you don't like women stuff) one's best friend--I found that phrase on thesaurus.com, isn't it excellent and so very untrue? The three of us threw a "best friend" party and ordered take out bc my body does not usually do the best friend thing on its own. Yay for friends who celebrate the weird things with you!

Two days later I stopped. I was indeed confused and I called the doctor because they'd asked me to call with any cyclical updates. The nurse said, "Have you taken a pregnancy test?" I told her, "No way, Hosea (Her name was indeed not Hosea). I've taken a hundred in the last year and my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago proved I would not have the opportunity this month to even get pregnant." She told me to take one just in case and call the following day. I took one that night. There was no little line. So I did what anyone would do. I put it on the counter, walked out of the bathroom, immediately walked back in the bathroom, and looked again. Faaaaaint line. As in a little bitty, teeny tiny, itsy bitsy line. My head was screaming, "You are not pregnant. This is crazy. It makes no sense." But of course my heart was hoping desperately, and I was quickly in tears.

The next morning, I woke up and took another test. It had a real line this time. A REAL pregnancy line. As in, I was pregnant. I do not lie when I tell you, I dropped to my knees and literally cried out to God, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I skipped around the house by myself (not figurative, people) crying, and I danced like David did. Well, I did not wear a priestly garment, I wore my sweatpants, but I was uninhibited. Completely and totally uninhibited. And then I composed myself and called the doctor.

Here's what Jed did:
He climbed the Great Wall! No way did I tell him! Not on the phone and certainly not in an e-mail. I did not tell a single soul besides the doctor's office.

That day, I had blood work done at the office. I really like the lady who took my blood. We were buddies by that point, so I told her no one knew and that Jed was in China. She hugged me and told all the other nurses and we did a happy dance in the blood room. Partay in the blood room!

And here is what Jed did:
I continued to go back for blood tests the next few days to make certain that my levels were right. And they were. I was pregnant. Really pregnant. It was one of the most difficult weeks of my life to walk through alone. Horrid! But it was beautiful. God and I just celebrated all week...with no alcohol of course. :) When I was not celebrating I was, of course, worrying. I worried that I would miscarry. I worried that the baby was not healthy. I worried that it was a dream. I like to worry--it's my hobby! I'm starting a support group for habitual worriers. But God really did come in and calm me. He surrounded me with His presence and love and peace. Every time I worried, I remembered that this was His creation, and He loved me and this baby and He was dancing more than I was! He's a better dancer.

And finally Jed came home a week later. I went in to the airport to pick him up, and when he came down the escalator, he said he knew by my face. I was literally jumping up and down and grinning from ear to ear. He walked straight to me, embraced me, and I said, "I'm pregnant." He. was. shocked. That was the last thing he expected when he arrived. We could hardly sleep that night we were so excited. We thanked God for answering our prayers, and we thanked God that we'd gone on those dates after the ultrasound technician told us there was no getting pregnant that month. Wink. (That wink wasn't bc I said something mean. It was a real one with the real meaning of wink.)

The next day we showed each of our families a slide show of his trip to China. This was the next to last picture. Jed's dad ziplining off the Great Wall.
The final picture was of a positive pregnancy test. His family cried and hugged and rejoiced. My family screamed and laughed and cried. We have more girls. Girls scream. :)

This is what my belly looked line then.
And this was it 9 months later.....
And these are my sisters. They are my world.

And this is me with my mom and Jed's mom. I adore them.
And this is Jed. Hot Jed. Hot hot hot hot Jed.
And then there was Braden.

Technically this is just the beginning of His story. I can't wait until he can tell his own....

For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.
I Samuel 1:27

How Braden Came to Be....Part III

2011-02-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

I just need to point out a couple of the reasons why I wanted kiddos (still want them...it's present and past, people.)

Reason #1-Mi beautiful familia. Spanish is obviously my first language...but for reals, I adore my family. I'll talk about them a lot. I have two younger, beautiful sisters, a gorgeous mom, and a handsome daddy. AND I have so much fun with them. They breed fun. And trouble. But mostly fun. OK being honest-mostly trouble. We look so sweet here in our white though.

Jed's family too. He has three brothers who are all married. And his oldest brother has two kiddos--Kellyn and Gabe. They got good genes. Do you people see those gorgeous children?? Those are my nephew and niece. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on them I needed one! I needed one who'd look like them, who came from the same gene pool, and who could stir up trouble like them. Oh yeah, and they're smart and sweet too. Sigh.

Aaaaand back to the Braden Story. We'd finally told our family and a couple of close friends. And we all boo-hooed.

Jed was by my side for everything. He came to my frequent doctor's appointments and covered well at work, and he coached me through the decisions we had to make. After a few months of Metformin not helping my body out too much, I had a doctor's appointment in July that Jed could not attend. That morning we talked, and I told him I'd just tell the doctor let's keep going with the plan, BECAUSE I WAS OKAY! (My voice gets big when I'm lying). My mom called, found out I was going alone, and said she was going with me. She's like that. She has super-sonic-bad-A-mom-powers that I don't get yet. She knew the appointment could be difficult. She also told me I shouldn't be afraid to be honest with the doctor and communicate that I was tired of Metformin and getting frustrated. But I told her I'd be fine, and that I wasn't frustrated. I was fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Is there a stinkin' echo???

When Dr. Detti walked in the office that my mom and I were waiting in, I was excited to talk to her. She outlined our plan with Metformin again and I nodded and smiled, and at the end, she asked, "How are you feeling?" I said, "Fine." And my mom gave me that you-are-lying-you-little-hoochie look that moms give really well. so I said, "Well, I'm a l-l-l" and my voice started quivering and I looked down and couldn't finish. And then it happened. The flood of tears. I was humiliated and crying to the fertility doctor. I cried, "I'm a little frustrated because we really want a baby and I feel like we've been waiting forever and this medication is fixing nothing..." And you know what that doctor did?? She handed me Kleenex and said (in her beautiful Italian accent), "Alright. We should be a bit more aggressive and try some fertility medication." That's it. That's all it took. I thought she'd make fun of me and tell me I'd only been trying for a year and some people have to try for way longer. Nope. I thought she'd tell me that only really crazy people try real fertility drugs quickly. Nope. It was like she was a real doctor and she'd actually dealt with women trying to get pregnant for years! Imagine that!!

(Skip this paragraph and the next if you don't like womanly reproductive stuff and just know I got some meds :) I warned you, I did!) So I left the office with a prescription for Clomid--a fertility drug which induced ovulation-- and an injection that I would take halfway through my cycle if I was producing an egg. They would know if I was ovulating because a week and a half into my cycle, I'd have an ultrasound on my ovaries. I felt triumphant. I just knew this was the answer and that it would work! I was so hopeful. So I called Jed and after he got over the initial shock that he'd missed the appointment when I'd had a meltdown in front of the doctor and been prescribed fertility drugs, he was alright with it as well. Smart man.

A little over a month later we made an appointment to have the ultrasound to make certain everything was going well. I just knew it was. Of course it was! I was on Clomid. Clomid is responsible for many of the world's multiple births! Who wouldn't ovulate on that? Right? A sweet ultrasound technician prepped me and called Jed into the room. As she looked at my ovaries, we saw what they call a pearl strand of cysts--very typical of a PCOS patient. And then we saw nothing. No enlarged follicle and no ovulation. I. was. so. sad. I burst into tears. The technician said to get dressed and that she'd come back in a moment. When she came back, I was sobbing in Jed's arms. I don't know why. I don't think I'd even cried for the previous month! Evidently I was pitiful, because the technician started to cry too and hugged me. She kept saying, "Stop making me cry. This is so normal. This medication rarely works the first month. Don't worry about it. It will probably work next month. Don't cry. You will get pregnant." I was humiliated that I couldn't keep myself together.

It is now appropriate for me to tell you about my secret family.

This is our fiesta to celebrate the anniversary of a family house fire. Another story. Another time. Don't tell our families that we have a third family. They get jealous.

Where was I? Oh yes! We left the appointment and it took me a couple of days to recover and decide I'd live. Ha. I really was alright. I knew we'd make it, and I knew that getting pregnant during month one on Clomid was probably unrealistic. So we lived on. Jed had a business trip to China planned, and so we decided that we'd drop the whole pregnancy thing until he got back and just enjoy life for a few weeks. I'm always jealous when he goes on his overseas work trips, but I'm also always really excited for him.....this is where the story gets really good. And Part IV will be the last part of the pregnancy story, I swear!!

Oh, and how could I forget? Reason #11111 to have a baby! When you go to your friend's son's 1st birthday party and he's soooo cute you can hardly stand it. You should definitely give birth to friends for him! It's only fair and only right. It's all about the friends, man.

Those blue eyes.....kill me.

How Braden Came to Be....Part II

2011-02-09T04:59:00.000-08:00

Where was I? Oh, yes....we were wanting to start having kids!

When we lived in Colorado, I began to lose a lot of hair, had other issues with...ahem...regular women things, and even had an incredibly painful cyst burst on an ovary. This led to doctor's visits, bloodwork, and an ultra sound. It was then discovered that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). If you want to read all about it, google it. But to make a long, boring story short--my body has insulin issues which causes hormone imbalances. And as you well know, I NEED those hormones to make babies.

What beautiful babies we are capable of making....

Beautiful, beautiful, perfect little babies....
So when we decided to get pregnant, we suspected that my PCOS might play a role in things, but you can never know for sure. When we moved to Memphis, my OBGYN prescribed medication to help treat the PCOS--Metformin. Metformin is a medication that many diabetics take to help with insulin levels. The hope was that Metformin would regulate my insulin, and as a result, my hormones would become more normal.

I mentioned in the last post that I'd been talking about kids for years, but I'm not certain that I realized just how badly I wanted a baby until my emotional meltdown after about six months of negative pregnancy tests. This was a really difficult time for me. I wondered if PCOS was the incorrect diagnosis because the doctors had not been 100% certain and had really not talked me through much. I wondered if I had some other horrible condition. I wondered if we'd adopt, and if so, where would we get the money? I wondered if our road to expanding our family would take years. I wondered why we had not begun the process sooner if we suspected that we'd have problems. I really didn't trust that God's timing was perfect. I knew it in my head, but I didn't believe it with my soul. Have you ever been there? Daily my soul was groaning for faith and belief, but I was believing lies. I finally talked to my OBGYN who quickly referred me to a fertility specialist, Dr. Detti.

I was an emotional wreck because I feared her telling me that I was infertile entirely. We had not told anyone that we were having trouble or considering seeing a specialist, and so Jed had to console and comfort me in those moments. As wonderful as he was, my mind was all over the place. I longed to have children so badly, and patience is a very weak point for me. I saw so many of my friends around me having children, and I rejoiced with them and loved those children so much. I wanted my kids to be their friends!

Dr. Detti ran all sorts of tests on both of us to rule out some things, and it was confirmed that I had PCOS. For the first time, the condition was explained to us so incredibly well, and we decided that we weren't in a hurry (yeah right....I was trying to trust God and Jed was in no hurry), so Dr. Detti doubled my Metformin dose.
A few months later, and probably 10 pregnancy tests later, I still wasn't pregnant. I cried my eyes out. I finally told Jed that we had to tell our families and a couple of close friends. We had wanted to surprise the mess out of the family with, "We're pregnant!" NOT "We can't get pregnant!" I was hurting, and I felt alone, really alone. I needed women who understood the longing for pregnancy, and I needed encouragement and prayer. I cried out to God to make me believe that He knew what He was doing, and I cried out to God that I knew He'd placed the desire for children in me for a reason. I cried because I knew that children would fix nothing. I knew that it would be difficult for little people to live in a house with me, and I'd be frustrated and I'd see more of my sin and the effects of it on others than ever before. But I wanted that so badly. Jed held me, and he comforted me, and he prayed with me. He loved me well. But I needed more support.

So we finally told our immediate families and a couple of very close friends. Our family and friends surrounded us. They spoke God's deepest promises to me. Jed told me constantly that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. My mom told me that it was okay to cry and to want children and that God had already designed the perfect child for me. Rox sent encouraging texts every time I had a doctor's appointment. Jed's mom told me that the Spirit was groaning to the Father the words that I did not have. My sisters called me, encouraged , and hugged me. My daddy prayed with me and for me. They all cried with me. They were my support team. God made it so. He placed them there, and He showed me grace and mercy. He comforted me, He came into my darkness when I felt alone, and He promised me that my contentment was based on Him and not the hope of having children.

So Jed and I worked, played, and lived....very seriously of course, we have no sense of humor at all. I feel bad for us. Poor us.

Whew. I'm emotional. AND exhausted. I need to peace out. Part III very soon!!

How Braden Came to Be...Part I

2011-02-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

Did the title scare you? Good!

I've been meaning to write our dude's story for awhile now. I want to remember it because it was amazing, and difficult, and painful, and God-breathed. It's perfect. But because I am dramatic, and I like to tell stories, I have to start at the very beginning (A very good place to start...thank you Julie Andrews).

In June of 2004, Jed and I got married. This was definitely not the beginning of our story, but it's where I'll begin for now. Any-who, we lived in Lynchburg for the first three years of our marriage, and we constantly went camping, hiking, traveling, skiing, and doing tons of other fun things that people sans kiddos can do. We talked about wanting kids one day, and we both like kids. Sooooo....we took a big step in our lives......

We bought Nikki!!

Here we are camping with our first baby:

We also did outlandish things like manipulate our duplex neighbors into opening ALL of our homes and throwing a massive Halloween party. And all of our friends including us dressed like crazy people....we love dressing up. Some people don't--they lead boring lives and are snobs who take themselves too seriously. Sorry if you're one of them. Get over yourself. Wink. (I think winks make strong opinions sound sweeter. Whaddoyouthink?)

Eventually we moved to Colorado. But that's another story for another time. And eventually we moved to Memphis. And we bought a house, and we started talking.

About the idea of starting a family. OK I'll be a bit more honest. JED started to talk. I had been talking about it for years. I am what my mom calls a verbal processor. Since very soon after we got married, we'd be in Kroger and I'd see a woman with a possy of children following her like ducklings, and I'd point out to Jed that I couldn't wait to have a possy following and bugging me. He'd usually tell me to stop staring and pointing. At restaurants I was (am) the freak that would be making faces at the baby at the next table. Jed would typically ask me why I felt the urge to make faces at miniature people while on a date with him. He loves me.

I might as well mention here that I also struggled with the thought of having children. I am a selfish person, and it was difficult for me to think about all that I would have to give up--dinners for two, independence, my body, vacations, money, and the list goes on. One major struggle for me was the thought of giving up a career. Jed and I both worked at day cares when we were in high school and decided we wanted to have a parent at home with our kiddos. Don't get me wrong--there are some wonderful daycares, and people must make the right decision for their own family. (I'll preach at ya about my feelings on judgemental, anti-daycare people later.) But for Jed and I, we really prayed that God would provide a way that I could at least be home most of the week with our kids until they're in kindergarten. This means no Bad A career for awhile for me. I am not necessarily all about careers, but I AM all about causes, working hard, and using my gifts and abilities.

OK--so back to wanting chirens.

I longed to me a mom, and I longed for Jed to be a Dad. I longed to love a kid, I longed for the sanctification of parenthood, and I longed for a kid to bring Jed and I even closer together. So once we were in Memphis, and quite settled, we knew it was finally business time.

Don't we look so care-free and not frazzled and frantic?? It's because we didn't have a kid. Now I'm matronly and ugly and boring and tired and gray-headed and sweatpant-wearing. Sigh....

OK my fingers are tired of typing, and plus I need to work on a grizzant before the world's best baby wakes up from nap #1. I meant to write the grant first, but I have ADD I think.

Part II to follow soon!

Life for Losers

2011-02-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:9-11

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. but if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raise Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

LIFE FOR ME!

Horrarrassment Story #1,892

2011-02-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

I think that because I am sitting on my sister AK's bed listening to the rain and working (NO--this is not work, this is a break), I should share with you one of my horror stories. Most people have embarrassing stories, and I have many too, but I have even more horror stories. This one is both horror and embarrassment. A horrarrassment. Look it up in my dictionary.

Almost 4 years ago, while I was attending Liberty University in the Burg, I was a healthnutfreakcrazyperson. I was working out a lot and attempting to drink a lot of water every day. You know those big Nalgenes? The old school ones that we put bumper stickers all over? I would drink 5 of them a day. So my bladder got big and stretched out. Yay! In between two of my classes at school I had to pee real bad. So I ran downstairs to the bathroom and on the way in, I ran into a girl that I had shared classes with in the past. She liked to talk. More than me. That's a lot. So she was talking and talking and talking and I was squeezing and holding it and in pain. And I casually placed one leg in front of the other in order to help myself out. And guess what she did? Talked. And I couldn't say "no" or "hang on" or "just a moment" or "SHUT THE *BLEEEP* UP BEFORE I PEE ON YOU!". I lost all my self esteem and gumption and straightforwardness, and I smiled and nodded. Do you remember where I said I was standing? On the way in. As in, IN the entrance to the bathroom. I was that close, people!

So finally I said I needed to run but I'd see her later, and I spun out of my adorable positioning, and on the first step, that tinkle straight up gushed out of me. Imagine a dark pee circle on my jeans that started at crotch and ended near ankles. Now imagine the whole situation. How do you get to your car to get home and get pants without the whole world knowing? Well, this is where you'll be SO impressed with me. It was the dead of winter and freezing outside and so I had on a spaghetti strap shirt with a fitted cardigan over it. So I stripped the jeans and put them in my backpack. And I took that cute, fitted cardigan which was WHITE and I buttoned it around my waste. Imagine--tight white skirt buttoned up the back. Told you you'd be impressed. Now-you should know-LU has a Liberty Way which involves official rules blah blah blah. My outfit was NOT Liberty Way. It was very opposite of Liberty Way and it was very opposite of Whitney way as well. But I marched my hoochielookinself to my car across campus looking like this. Imagine: white, short, tight skirt buttoned up the back where you could see my hiny. Spaghetti strap tight shirt. Freezing cold. I told myself that if an RA approached me to write me up, I'd have her smell my backpack. But none did, and I've never gotten to my car quicker.

Thanks for listening to my horrarrassing moment. I love you. The end.

Little Mister

2011-01-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

Waiting for the doctor.......

My baby boy has the flu!! Boooooo.......I gotta go love on him for hours. :( Poor lil stinker....

Cashew Chicken

2011-01-26T10:54:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know me know I love to cook! BUT I do NOT make anything difficult or with complicated ingredients--no siree. That's for people who have their own cooking shows and snobs and such.

So lemme preface this recipe--my husband was born in Korea, and he loooooves Asian food, or mainly just rice. And with rice--he must have meat. Every night. Meat. And Rice. Get it? K! So when we lived in Lynch-vegas (that's Lynchburg, Virginia, for those of you who don't know where some of my best memories and friends are), we used to go to a yummy restaurant called Thai 99 and eat Cashew Chicken. We miss it, and I cry myself to sleep every night longing for it. Just kidding, only once! So I did some research and I found this amazing recipe (amazing because it's easy) for Cashew Chicken and here it is.

Thai Cashew Chicken

3 T Canola oil {or whatever oil! I used Olive Oil, because Popeye rocks my world}
1 lb chicken {who puts chicken on a scale? for realz. I use 4-6 chicken breasts}
2 1/2 T Thai chili paste {or straight up chili paste. DO NOT ADD EXTRA...this amount alone will make everyone around cough and run to the hills if you don't have a fan on!}
1/2 c chicken broth {or more if you're me and read it wrong and add 2 cups....but we like LOTS of juice, so it turned out better}
1 red bell pepper in 1/2" slices {my husband doesn't like veggies, I skip}
1/2 large onion in 1/2" slices {I tell my husband to get over it, and I add this}
1/4 c oyster sauce {Asian section in Kroger (or Krogers if it's my grandmother)}
1 T sugar
6 dried red chiles {riiiight, never did this part}
1/2 c raw roasted cashews {or MORE}

Cook chicken in 2T oil in large skillet. Set Aside. Add remaining oil to skillet and heat. Add chili paste, stirring constantly to break it up for 1-2 minutes. Add chix broth, red pepper, onion, oyster sauce, and sugar. Stir well and simmer 3 minutes. Lower heat to medium, add chicken, and cook until sauce is slightly thickened and veggies are tender, 4-5 minutes. Add chiles and cashews. Stir and serve over rice.

Here are the pictures of the way all this went!

I first poured a glass of...ahem....apple cider!

Ingredients!

Olive oil in cute green cast iron dutch oven. I love Martha Stewart.
I got tired, and husband hottie had to pour me another...ahem....apple cider.
Because I was feeling nice, I made the onions that said husband hates separately!
Chircken!
Broth...too much...so I had to add more of other stuff too...I like!
Finished product. Love button.

Feed to hungry guests. The ones happy to have their picture taken. Sometimes they hate me. But I always love them.

Amazing Grace

2011-01-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.
~Romans 7:21

Recently, three of my favorite women in the world-Tasha, Andrea, and Kelli, came in town. While they were here, at different points with different women, we were able to have a few of those talks in which you feel like your soul has been heard. And because God is really good, these women shared personal stories as well. I was able to hear about their marriages, key family relationships, struggles, and how God is loving them to Himself through various teachings. Many of the things said that weekend resonated in a really deep way with me and with my spirit.

One discussion we had was about listening to God through meditation, prayer, and the Scriptures. This may seem silly--but it has left me in a state of spiritual renewal. I am constantly busying myself with new spiritual commitments (reading through the Bible, reading "spiritual" books, praying the "ACTS" way, etc.). There is nothing wrong with these commitments except that I can never complete or finish them and they are busy work for me. I do not spend time praying that the Holy Spirit would convict me of my sin, show me ways to intentionally serve, and teach me how to worship. Instead I spend time learning cool spiritual things to talk about or get discouraged because I don't naturally always LIKE to pray or spend time in the Word.

Anyway, I have spent more time in Scripture, praying, and worshiping in the last few weeks than in many years and actually have a DESIRE to do this. I am asking God to help me pay attention to Him in my day to day life by making clear the needs of others, convicting me of my sin, and helping me to be thankful for the undeserved blessings He pours out to me in my daily life. He is really teaching me that my worship, relationships, prayer, and theology will never be perfect, but He already sent His perfect son for that, and that is SO freeing!!! For example, many people in a church I grew up in believe that closing your eyes, raising your hands, or dancing during worship on Sunday mornings is merely an attempt to receive attention. For me I worship BETTER when I can concentrate on the words by closing my eyes, and can raise my hands to physically express my praise and adoration for our AWESOME God, and dance (no booty dancing, don't worry). These are not acts to get attention when I'm quite certain these get more negative than positive attention where I come from, but are acts that God has asked me to do. They are also biblical....VERY biblical. God has not called everyone to worship this way, but He HAS called me to do this. That is only one example, and I am LOVING worship now.

Ya'll (all 2 of you who read my blog) think I'm just really awesome now, huh? Okay, so now the big news--I have ALSO found myself SO critical of others, bitter and jealous towards certain people, frustrated, and impatient. It is so extremely frustrating. And here is where you should read again the verse I began with. :) I read this this morning and I am so certain that Paul wrote this for me specifically. It is SO true. I am finding a new joy in the freedom of Christ right now, but feel that instead of being wholly in tune with the fruits of the Spirit, I am so entirely full of judgement, hatred, and sin. BUT I am certain that God is revealing this to me so that I know this new-found joy is not of me, it is entirely of Him. I have no glory in it--it is not because I am doing more, I am actually failing more. It is because He loves me, and He wants me to be free in him. He hates how much I love my own glory, schedule, comfort, and abilities.

I am falling on my face every hour of the day right now, embarrassed of who I am, insecure in who I am, and hating my sin. But He is teaching me that He is my security, and when I'm embarrassed about my sin, how it affects and wounds others, and how I am constantly screwing up, He is teaching me and letting me rest in His never-ending love. He is there all the time--when I gossip and am embarrassed because it hurts others, when I am jealous and bitter, when friends betray me, and when I care more about myself than my husband. He is the only reason any of this can change, and He is the only reason a messy marriage, mundane diaper changing, and wounded friendships can be changed to a beautiful love story, guiding and giving security to a covenant baby, and loyal, comforting camaraderie.

Christmas Fa-reakout

2010-12-09T13:33:00.001-08:00

Aren't they the cutest tree-trimmers you ever saw?? I'm pretty obsessed. If only all of December were this lovely.

Every year around December 23, I have a Christmas freakout. No, a Christmas FA-reakout. It's inevitable. Jed and I normally have 9-5 jobs (this year mine is from 9-9--as in it never stops, a thank you very much), I have to shop for all the family (this includes 27 people this year), we have Christmas party after Christmas party, we HAVE to put up a tree and decorate, we have to take a Christmas card pic and send out a million, and on and on and on (you get the picture). Don't get me wrong. It's the most wonderful time of the year and all that, and I have fond memories and feelings associated with Christmastime, but around December 23, I fa-reak out.

Usually this is the scenario: Jed comes home from work, I have dinner cooking and a drink poured for him, I am wearing a cute winter dress and apron, and then I sweetly tell him that I'm a bit stressed.

NOT!!!!!!!!

Real scenario: Jed comes home from work, I am looking a hot mess, he can hardly get to the kitchen because of all the wrapping utensils and gifts on the floor, I have no thought of dinner because our house is not stocked with drink OR any type of food that could go together for a "meal," and then I say, "I NEED YOUR HELP! I STILL DON'T HAVE GIFTS FOR 9 PEOPLE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'LL GET THEM AND THE TRAFFIC IS SO HORRID IT WILL TAKE 8 HOURS TO SHOP FOR EACH OF THEM INDIVIDUALLY WHICH LEAVES US WITH NO TIME FOR ALL THE ENJOYING EACH OTHER I WANTED TO DO".

And then my face starts to scrunch up and do the pre-cry thing and I say, "I J-J-JUST W-W-ANTED CHRISTMAS TO B-B-BE GOOD THIS YEAR, AND I C-C-CAN'T STOP FREAKING OUT IN MY H-H-HEAD BECAUSE I DON' T HAVE THOSE GIFTS YET, AND NOW I'M A BAD WIFE B-B-BECAUSE WE HAVE NO FOOD OR COCKTAILS, AND OUR HOUSE IS A WR-WR-WRECK AND HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY WAKING UP ON CHRISTMAS EVE LIKE THIS?"

And then I start baaaaaawling, "HOW CAN YOU STILL LOVE ME? I'M CRAZY. WOULD YOU HAVE MARRIED ME IF YOU KNEW THEN I WAS CRAZY? OH, AND I HAVEN'T DONE ANY LAUNDRY BECAUSE OF ALL THE CHRISTMAS PARTIES WE WENT TO THIS WEEK, SO WE'LL HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR FOR CHRISTMAS, AND YOUR MOM CALLED AND WE NEED TO BRING A CASSEROLE TO THEIR HOUSE TONIGHT, AND WE NEED TO TAKE HOMEMADE BISCUITS TO MY PARENT'S HOUSE IN THE MORNING. AND I HAVE TO BE AT THE CHURCH LATER TONIGHT TO PRACTICE SINGING FOR TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICE AND I'LL HAVE TO BE REALLY EARLY TO THE SERVICE TOMORROW AND WILL THAT FRUSTRATE ANYONE??? I TOLD YOU I'M CRAZY. WHY AM I CRYING? I LOVE CHRISTMAS! (desperately) WHY AM I CRYING!!!????"

So this year I'll add, "AND BRADEN WON'T STOP CRYING AND HE BARFED ALL OVER HIS CHRISTMAS OUTFIT, AND HE HAS POOP UP HIS BACK, AND HE NEEDS DINNER EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE TO WALK OUT THE DOOR IN 5 MINUTES, AND HE HAS NO CLEAN CLOTHES EITHER, AND I'M OUT OF DIAPERS, AND I NEED YOU TO RUN TO THE STORES FOR THOSE, AND I FORGOT STOCKING STUFF FOR HIM!"

So my Christmas resolution is to NOT have quite as big of a break down this year. I think eliminating it would be nice, but let's be realistic! I think I'd like to have the gifts already bought, food in the fridge (oven pizza?), and maybe not be outta diapers.

Merry Christmas Home-home-homeboy!

Oh, and thanks, babe, for putting up with me. :)

Christmas Cards

2010-12-05T17:16:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, Jed and I sent out our first Christmas card. We were so darlin' in our cute little nicely prepared outfits. THEN we took a few years off, and I was too lazy or busy to actually order Christmas cards. Now we have a baby, and you know what that means....we HAVE to send out a card. It's like the innate Christmas rule. People are supposed to disown people who are in their family, have children, and don't send out a Christmas card.

I have a few friends who are obsessed with Shutterfly. They love their prints, the gifts they create are sa-weet, and it is all pretty inexpensive. And now I am so excited about the new promotion that Shutterfly is running. In exchange for a blog post, I get 50 free Christmas cards. The best part? The Christmas cards are some of the cutest I've ever seen. Seriously, I have no idea how I'll decide!

I love the idea of having our family picture PLUS little pics of Braden.

Buuuuuut I also love the more funky square ones.

Oooooor I could go with the classic family shot on gorgeous card??

I dunno. Honestly, I still haven't even looked at half of the options because the first half was so overwhelming!

And speaking of Christmas, Shutterfly also has some amazing options for cool Christmas presents:

1. Thank you cards
2. Calendars
3. Photo Wall Art

OK...so maybe I'm a little excited. But what can I say?? It's all really cute. And since we just had a baby, all of our family members want photo gifts for Christmas. And can you blame them? Just look at him!

Welp. Merry Christmas!! Now off to actually TAKE a picture to put on this card!!

My #2 Man

2010-10-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

I love you fiercely, B.

Fail

2010-08-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

I think I have a new idea for this bloggaroo. But not yet....I have A LOT of updating to do.

Because this is my first blog back, I have a point to make:

My whole life has been filled with moments where I've thought, "I swore I'd never do this and now I am." Newest moment like this? I seriously text my husband or gmail chat him sometimes to tell him things like Braden finally pooped and it went up his back (this excites me) or Braden smiled and looked at me simultaneously or Braden misses you or Braden's tummy hurts and he needs to poop or I want to take Braden camping for the first time this fall.

I could definitely say more interesting things that pertain to my big-girl-job like how the air and water pollution statistics in Memphis are shocking or how I just learned how people get food stamps or even that I am learning horrific statistics about infant mortality rates in Memphis. I could, but nope. I frequently choose to tell him about our son's gastrointestinal issues and the fact that he is getting so chubby I am counting extra rolls.

I guess moms don't tell their husbands that stuff because they're bored, huh? I think it's because maybe we were designed us to care more about the minute details of our child's life than almost anything else. Weird. And sounds totally familiar....

And by the way. Jed actually likes most of the updates.

Voila!

2010-03-13T06:35:00.000-08:00

First thing is first. Who knows how to add an accent mark to the a at the end of Voila?

Second, no one ever told me that putting a nursery together on a budget was SUCH a challenge. Geez! Thanks, mankind.

The story--Last weekend, Jed and I attacked the cute little buffet that Minnie, my maternal grandmother (bc it is very important for you to know that little fact), gave us. It has been in her family for quite sometime and in the first picture, you can see what she did to it over 40 years ago. Our goal was to turn the sucker into something that matched our nursery and that we could use as a changing table. This is what we did:

1. Moved this from Minnie's garage to our back porch. Woot.
2. Removed the awesome 60's hardware.

3. Borrowed an electric sander. Lesson for #3--electric sanders are SO much fun! Christi, a friend of mine, is a pro with hers, and she let me borrow it so that I could sand this sucker down. it took FOREVER, but it was fun.
4. Wiped the whole thing down REALLY good and then painted it the green that we are using in our nursery.
5. Painted a thin coat of white paint and then sanded away. My super hott hubby entered mad artist mode and went to town with a sheet of finer sandpaper while I used the sexy electric sander with fine paper as well.

Oh, and then we added cute glass knobs that I got on MAJOR sale (as in, regularly $4.99 and I paid $.99 apiece) at Target.....now I get to say the word.....

VOILA! (minus the accent on the A)

Now we just hafta get one of those contoured changing pads for the top of it. I registered for one, so I'm waiting to purchase it.

Tata!

The Tree Of Lauren

2010-01-16T05:40:00.001-08:00

One of my incredi-friends, Lauren, painted this tree on a friend's nursery wall. I am going to have her paint the same one on our wall except no birds, we are going to have an owl. Jed loves it too, and I'm so excited!
And guess what! Downtown Presbyterian Church begins tomorrow night. We are so excited for the services to finally begin and cannot wait to get started....

The Hoodlum's Room

2010-01-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

Jed has been in Bulgaria and Slovenia with Blake and his dad for the last week and so he has not seen this. But he returns tonight and I'm sure he'll be ecstatic (note extreme sarcasm) about all that we get to do together this weekend-approve nursery fabric, register at Target, sign up for a birthing class, etc. I asked if I could plan a Saturday date for us soon (meaning an actual date, NOT doing baby/house stuff) and he wanted to know what we'd be doing. I told him it was a surprise and asked him why he HAD to know, and his response was that my idea of a fun date was doing chores. Ha!

SO I think Mom and I decided on these 2 fabrics. The first will be used for a skirt for the crib, the 2nd for curtains, and we will use brown minky dots for the bumper pads. I am still going to have Lauren paint the tree mural and will show you the one that she just finished for her good friend in the next blog. Yay for choosing!

Holler!

2010-01-05T06:50:00.001-08:00

Okay, I know I haven't been on in forever. And, I don't know if this will be the start of my actual blogging again, but I wanted to give a short update and get some opinions (which might take awhile since I probably lost all 3 readers that I even had in the first place).

1. I'm pregnant with a boy and due May 27th. We are beyond excited. Sometime I'll share about that...it's a real long story.
2. My parents are back in their house following the fire, total gutting, and rebuilding of their house. It is BEAUTIFUL! My parents worked their hinies off all day every day for 6 months and it really is remarkable. Sometime I'll have to show before and afters.

SO-I am in the process of figuring out what to do for the nursery. I don't want to go crazy but my mom said she's make some curtains and bumper pads (she's amazing if you haven't figured that out) if I found fabric. I really LOVE owls but couldn't find pre-made bedding with owls I liked and that was affordable (yes, I've seen Dwell Studios $360 set). SO-what do you think of this??

The last picture is my FAVORITE. I also have an amazing friend who could paint some of this on the wall.

OK-that's all the blogging I can take for now, but hopefully I'll come back soon.

05-04 Update

2009-05-04T08:53:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,
Some thoughts on Isaiah 33.
"Woe to you, O destroyer, you who have not been destroyed!"
There really is one who desires our demise. We, modern folk, don't like to talk much about him. We think it unsophisticated and he likes that.
Since the first conversation, now almost two years ago, about the possibility of planting a church I, we, have experienced turmoil. Peace and rest have been illusive, like success or beauty, just beyond ones grasp. I have felt opposition, no I have felt one opposing me. We are not merely planting a church, but one that witnesses the glory of God and His gospel unite the deeply divided races and classes of Memphis. Something, someone hates unity, love, peace, and loves division, restlessness, and hate. There is a destroyer and he lives to destroy us.
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress."
There really is One to believe, but don’t you sometimes wonder? I typically question in times of bliss. The past few weeks have challenged my faith, created moments of intense fear and despondency, but in the end my faith is deeper, more seasoned. Having to reach deeper to find my footing in Him solidifies, even purifies faith. Jesus comes much more into focus in need than in plenty. Being threatened with loss, I have longed for Him more. And He shows himself true, gracious and strong.
“At the thunder of your voice, the peoples flee; when you rise up the nations scatter.”
I have never maxed out a credit card limit, until now. As of this morning, three are at their capacity. Fear grips me that I will receive a call and the voice on the other end declare, rather matter of factly, “Mr. Rieves, it appears that you missed an insurance premium payment. You have no coverage for you fire!” It is irrational because our mortgage company demanded and received payment for the entire year at our loan’s closing. However, when you are spending money faster than the speed of light, it is more unsettling than freeing.
I spoke with our insurance adjuster yesterday and told him my fear, “I am spending a lot of money and I don’t want to be left holding the bill!” He responded, “I am not going to let that happen.” I don’t trust him. It has more to do with past experience than his present demeanor. He wields a lot of power. He could get to my file just after an argument with his wife. He could resent the fact I don’t buy my suits at Sears. His daughter could tell him he is the worst father ever. That is how the real world, this broken world, works. I know because I am a husband, and father. I know because my heart resents more than it rejoices over those with nicer stuff.
I long for an advocate who is bad, like Stallone or William Wallace. I want someone with more influence to thunder into the uncertainty of my life using his authority for my certain good. That is how Isaiah got to see God, my God. When the situation becomes unjust and detrimental to His children, His heart is moved and He stands up and my adjuster, I mean, the nations scatter. He brings justice and righteousness to the oppressed. That is our hope and trust and that calms my fears.
“Look upon Zion, the city of our festivals; your eyes will see Jerusalem, a peaceful abode, a tent that will not be moved; its stakes will never be pulled up, nor any of its ropes broken. There the Lord will be our Mighty One.”
When I am driving, and not on the phone, I picture the open house we are going to have when this is all over. Well, it started as an open house, but now, in my mind, it is a block party. We are going to close the street, invite a band, maybe James Taylor, and I am going to get my dad’s smoker, the one on wheels, and cook pork butts and ribs. Our neighbors, the firemen, those that have prayed, given clothes, money, time and encouragement, even our friends from around the country, will all come and we will have a party.
Some Believers are dry, like melba toast. I hate melba toast and I don’t even know what it is. Is it in the bread section? Paul asked the Believers in Galatia, “What has happened to all your joy?” Joy is different than giddy. Giddy is canned cheese. Joy is sincere, authentic, real, enviable. Solomon said there is a time to cry and a time to laugh. I am ready to laugh.
We really do have a reason to laugh. Even in the face of tragedy and loss. God was gracious to give His people prophets. Prophets declared judgment, but they also spoke of joy and hope. To a distressed people they spoke of a city in which God’s people would enjoy festivals. A city with homes that would not be moved, or destroyed. A city of permanence, that was predictably good.
God gave us festivals and parties that we might taste and long for the more. Like our father giving us a taste of meat on the grill just before he takes it off, our Father gives us parties that we might long for what IS to come. It is hard to experience the goodness of what is to come when you are on the phone with insurance adjusters, or wading through burned out piles of stuff. Parties are like fast forwarding a movie to the end, it doesn’t completely dull one to the tragedy of the story, it, however, does make the tragedy bearable. So I dream of the party, knowing it will not end the tragedy, merely shadow a day that will.
~ Please pray for a church to rise out of this mess. It really is the perfect soil for a gospel church. it is really the only soil for a gospel driven church to grow. Pray it will grow. I continue to speak with candidates for the co, lead or assistant role. I am really curious about two right now. Please pray for God to move and provided the man of His choosing and soon!
~ Pray for all the decisions on replacing all the stuff of our lives and re-build a house. All the colors, tile, flooring, re-designs, etc. need to be firmed up in the next couple of weeks. Not much time for such major decisions!
~ Pray for our hearts. We really do have an enemy and his presence is felt daily.
~ Thank God for His faithfulness. He is answering so many prayers...many we haven’t even prayed.
We are in our rental house near our old house. We are settling a bit, which is wonderful. It helps knowing we will be in this house until the renovations are complete. Please know that we are more than grateful for the support, love and care you all have shown. It encourages us more than you know!
Grace and Peace,
The Rieves

Dad's Update

2009-04-21T05:20:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,
Feel free to pass this on...
I hate short pithy Christian sayings! Tragedy seems to attract these likesugar attracts ants or meat attracts flies. "This to shall pass..." "Theremust me a silver lining in there somewhere..."
I picked up friends today at the Memphis airport. They had a couple of hoursbefore their flight back to Colorado. After loading into the car, we metRachel for lunch. Neither Rachel nor I had time, but having lost so much, wefound ourselves clinging to the safe haven of old trusted, tried and truefriends. We have been through much together, know everything there is toknow about each other and still love.
As we were driving I found myself desperately wanting them to speak into mylife. One way to steer a rudderless ship is to come along side and nudge inthe right direction. I desperately felt my need to be nudged in a truedirection. They did not fail me. They listened as I spoke of the emotionaltoll of the past couple of weeks. They then began to speak of heaven and howphysical loss is true loss precisely because we were made for permanence.There is a sense in which heaven is heaven, not only because it is good, butbecause it is eternal good. Good without the possibility of, say, the goodburning up and away.
After my brother's death I would find myself getting anxious, having troublebreathing, panicking when I was alone. I thought I was loosing my marbles.My friend and counselor explained to me that I was experiencing posttraumatic stress syndrome. After receiving a call that my brother had takenhis own life, my body was anticipating another like call. My body wasresponding as if I would hear something equally painful.
Have you ever seen people hold newspaper over their heads in a rain storm?The paper doesn't survive it very well, nor does the hairdo! Paper wasn'tdesigned to withstand rain. We weren't made to withstand loss. Studies showthat stress, which is always related to loss or the fear of, ages us. Ithink I turned 80 this week. In one year, I have experienced the loss of achurch family I deeply love, the loss of a place that I'm certain is morethan a taste of heaven, much of my strength due to disk injury and surgery,my house, belongings, dog, etc., etc.
What my friends were nudging me toward is good. They were saying, "In lightof all that has happened, you should be hurting and undone." Christians thathave experienced loss need to hear that. Jesus wept because of the loss ofsomething good, a friend. He was affirming the legitimacy of our hurt andpain and I am so grateful for His tears! They justify mine! There really isa time to cry, but only this side of heaven.
My friends also, and ultimately reminded me of heaven. There is a home thatwill not be taken away. There is a community that I will not have to leave.There is a body that will not be injured, age and grow weak. There is aneconomy and a market that is stable and certain. And there is a brother whois the essence of life. And for this I was made! For this I was redeemed!
I picked up a copy of Newsweek in the hotel lobby yesterday. The leadarticle is entitled, "The End of Christian America." I used to fearstatistics like this article cited. "...the percentage of self-identifiedChristians has fallen 10 percentage points since 1990, from 86 to 76percent...people who say they are unaffiliated with any particular faith hasdoubled in recent years, to 16 percent."
"Oh no," I used to think, "Christianity is failing!" I now know that it isnot Christianity that is failing, but a religion whose deepest insights havebeen short, pithy and anything but Christian. I certainly need more, andJesus gives me so much more. Maybe as I begin to need and believe in theface of my need, others may as well. Maybe as I hold onto a real hope, ahope that holds much more onto me, the hopeless will hope.
That was neither short, nor pithy, but it was utterly Christian. Thank youfriends for the nudge!
~ It is death to have to think constantly about your own needs, to ask forhelp, to receive help... But we are moving into an empty house on Saturdayand must have stuff. Rachel and I set out to buy two mattresses today.Mattresses cost more than my 97 Ford Explorer! Thus, we concluded thedecision was too important to be rushed. We remembered that a family hadoffered a king size mattress and another family a full size mattress. Aphone call later, s friend volunteered to pick them up and bring them to ourrental.
~ The house we are moving into was inhabited by a family whose 4 or 5 yearold son, Shawn, has a brain tumor and has been receiving treatment at St.Jude. This family has five children! I met the family and they offered someof their furniture. They will probably be back in August for another roundof chemo. If our home is finished they will move back in taking the last fewmonths of our 6 month lease. God has put this family in our lives at thevery least to spread the word to pray for Shawn. Please do so!
~ Pray for patience, joy, and love as we progress forward. We need theseand more!
Thank you for praying and for all your encouragement. It encourages me toknow that my ramblings have meant so much to so many. It is therapeutic forme to get the thoughts in my head and heart out!
Much love and grace,
The Rieves

Fire Update

2009-04-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,
My daughter is a thespian and I am proud of it! Last night was opening night of her most recent performance: High School Musical II. It wasn't Les Misreables, but it was two and a half hours of singing, dancing, fast set changes and quit impressive acting! Because of her love of theatre, I am around a lot of teenagers and adults who share the same obsession. It is an interesting bunch, these actors. They endure long, and I mean long, hours of rehearsal for the curtain to open to convince others that they are someone else. The better they pull it off the more the applause.
I have a friend who has been an insurance adjuster for 30 plus years. He wrote to lend much wanted advice. He had many good things to say, but one comment won’t leave my mind. He wrote, "You should also know that Christians are absolutely the worst people I have to work with. I don't know if they are worse, or my expectations are higher, but I cringe every time I have a significant loss with any one who makes an issue of being Christian. So, don't hide the fact of your faith, but be aware that the adjuster may be on guard because past of dealings with our brothers and sisters.” I met with our new adjuster on Thursday and one of the first things he said was, “So the office tells me you are a minister.” I cringed!
The brand of Christianity we have today is little different than theatre. Most pour everything they have into convincing others they are someone else. What is worse is the better they pull it off the more the applause. I for the life of me cannot figure out how we got to this point. I can’t find it in the Bible. God seems to pour everything he has into freeing us from such futility. Most of the Old Testament is narrative after narrative of God recounting the colossal failures of HIS people. He seems to do so that we might read and exclaim, “It is not just me!” True, He does retell history that it might not be repeated, but it will and His point is not less than that.
Here is the good news and it is really good, “There is no one righteous, not even one...therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sigh by observing the law.” So how will we be declared righteous? “...but now a righteousness FROM God APART from law has been made known...this righteousness from God comes through FAITH in Jesus Christ to all who BELIEVE!”
And all God’s people said, “Yes, BUT it is our job now to make Him look good.” Really? How do we improve on the image of a God who receives, no adopts, children for Himself who are everything He is not, but loves and treats them as if they are everything He is? Anyone who takes that job will end up just acting, performing, longing for applause that will never come.
I had to sift through the trash yesterday to get Rachel’s knitting needles for “insurance purposes.” They were in a bag. On the bottom of the bag were maggots. They had been resting on the whole chickens I threw out of the freezer last week. I am really sick of this whole fire thing. It is old, not like good wine, but rotten chickens. We are moving out of our neighbor’s house today into a Residence Inn, before we move next week into our rental house in Harbor Town which is a move that precedes us getting back into our house sometime by the end of the summer. That will be seven moves in a year! The manna from heaven is our insurance money and new things, but yes, I am complaining. I have no right to, but I do. I am not a good actor.
Some may charge, “He is abusing grace!” I may, no I do, but allowing myself to feel and express what is really in my heart also allows me to boast, not in my performance, but someone else’s! Paul goes on to ask, “Where then is boasting?” He answers, “It is excluded!” We cannot boast in our performance for there is little to boast in. We can, however, boast, not in us, but Him! He came, He performed, the Father applauded and we get the love! That makes me want to go pack, my sacks (luggage is gone as well). That puts a smile on my naturally skeptical face. That makes me want to write emails and tell others that they might get off the stage and in the audience to sit a while and enjoy the performance of another. His was a really good one!
~ I met with the new adjuster from 9:30 – 3 on Thursday. It went very well!!! They are going to gut our house to the studs and build back. We seemed to work out the discrepancies between this adjuster’s direction and the first adjuster. Thank you for praying!
~ I am bringing in another company to reclaim the rest of our stuff. I will have to explain to the other company that I have done so. Their work was so bad I felt I had no choice. That will be a fun meeting!
~ As I stated we will be moving to a Residence Inn today. Next weekend we will move into a house in Harbor Town that we are so thankful to have. We got the lead from a high school friend who read one of these emails!
~ The contractor started the demolition work yesterday. It is actually satisfying watching all the burned out stuff being carted out to a dumpster!
~ Pray for peace, rest (Rachel hasn’t been sleeping well), wisdom and perseverance in faith!
~ We met one of the firemen who was at our house. His daughter is in the play with Amy Katherine. He was at the play last night. He is the one that found Zach, our dog, and led me to him and walked with me as I carried him out of the house. Little did we know that our daughters were together at that moment! Anyway, he explained what he saw when he got to the scene. It helped to hear how they fought, actually attacked the fire. He explained firemen go into burning homes on their hands and knees. The temps toward the ceiling are between 8-900 degrees. They have infrared cameras that show them the hot spots. You don’t actually see the fire because of the smoke. He said it was the carbon monoxide that would have killed Zach and it would have happened painlessly and fast. That was good to hear. Connecting with him was a gift for which we are thankful.
Thank you all for praying...it doesn’t get old!
Oh, our mailing address will remain the same. Many have asked: 938 River Breeze Drive, Memphis, TN 38103.
Much love and grace,
The Rieves

The Church Update...

2009-04-15T06:50:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,
I was recently teaching at Advance Memphis' Job's for Life class. It is aclass designed to train adults who desire to get into the work force. I wasteaching on the life of David. I described how God went to great lengths tocatalogue David's sin, the man after God's own heart. I told them that, yesafter being anointed King, he committed adultery, lied and killed. One ofthe men in the class had never heard that before. He got angry and told mehe was going to read it for himself. He didn't believe me!
We so want to believe that God uses strong people because we want to bestrong. But God uses, "...the weak to shame the strong, the things that arenot to nullify the things that are."
The night of the fire all of my neighbors witnessed me cry at least once.That was my first introduction to one neighbor. His wife cooked us dinner.Lasagna in individually wrapped packages so we could just heat the servingsup. She made these crab meat cheesy spread things placed on top of anEnglish muffin, pasta salad and some kind of cheese dip. All of it wasamazing! The husband has dropped by to check on us more than once.
Strength separates us. At the points I am stronger, I am better, or so Ithink. Weakness unites. There is nothing threatening about weakness. What ifwe all got together to see who could cry the most. It just doesn't work. Itdoesn't because weakness is not competitive like strength. Yet, when one iscrying, something happens in us all. We want do something. When one teambeats another, the winning team goes out for beer, but the loosing team goeshome. Weakness compels us toward one another and builds community.
God is much wiser than us all. God, in using the weak to shame the strong,is using my weakness to shame me. I have been praying for God to create anew community for this church plant in downtown. I have been praying for Godto bring together hundreds of people who might be willing to pray for thischurch. Yet, I have been praying for God to enable and show ME how to dothese. With one small spark, he has thrust me, us, into the lives of morepeople than we know and ignited more prayer than we could have everproduced! In the process, he has humbled me. I haven't even thought aboutthe church plant for a week. Yet, He has been busy at work, planting,building, igniting! I am so small, He is so big.
Now, don't walk away and think, "This is why the Rieves' house burned." Thatmerely reduces God to One whose purposes we can figure out. That is kinda ofthe point. We will never figure it nor Him out. However, He promised to workall things for good, that means even evil. So we can rejoice in Him whosegood purposes are running deep even and especially when we FEEL theopposite. He never sleeps nor slumbers. He never takes a day off. He isalways at work and He is good. May we all remember that, especially in ourweakest moments!
~ Thank God again for sparing us. I am retelling the story a number of timesa day. With each retelling I am overwhelmed with how different the outcomecould have been if the fire had occurred in the night. There were only acouple of hours in that day that someone was not home. That is not acoincidence!
~ Patience, perseverance and grace. It is easy to drown in the details. Praythat we will see a Father who loves us and not get too lost in the details.Rachel is having to remember every item in her kitchen. While doing so lastnight, she remembered a painting of Whitney that a Memphis artist and friendpainted as a gift. That is irreplaceable. Pray for peace.
~ We are looking at a house today to rent. Please pray that we might find aplace on Mud Island really soon. Like today!
~ Amy Katherine's play starts with a matinee in the morning!
~ I meet with the new insurance adjuster tomorrow. We will have to settlethe discrepancy between his direction and the first adjuster's directions. Ihave received good counsel from qualified folks. So pray for wisdom on howto best communicate and reconcile.
Please know we are not tired of hearing how you all are praying. Itencourages us more that you can know.
Much love and grace,
The Rieves

Dad's Latest E-mail...

2009-04-14T06:52:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,
I am sending these to a few knowing you will pass it on...
God loves the weak, needy and broken and I hate to love that. When the University of North Carolina was in town a few weeks ago for the tournament I bought a ticket off a scalper and went to their final game against Oklahoma. I did, not because I love UNC, but simply because I assumed it would be my opportunity to watch the kids that would win the national championship. I even stayed after the game to watch them cut down the net and revel in their victory. I took pictures on my Iphone of Roy Williams and his players soaking in the moment. I love winners! I want to be a winner! I want to be Ty Lawson, defying gravity, flying through the air, slamming the ball home while thousands loose all sense of propriety, yelling like... You get the picture. You do because you have painted it too.
Movers came yesterday to take what can be salvaged. They were about as unprofessional as a group of guys could be. One of them found me and asked, "Hey, did you know the top on your roll top desk is loose?" When I walked in they had it on its side, no pad, the roll top part hanging off its track. That desk was my great grandfather's work desk in the courthouse in Marion, Arkansas back in the late 1800's. I didn't get mad this time. For some reason it became the scapegoat for the week and something in me said, "You win." I wasn't defying gravity, gravity was defeating me. I walked away.
Since Genesis 3, one thing is certain: the earth works against, not for us. Life is much more like quicksand than a slip and slide. Living in this world, in this body is hard. That is the story of God's people. It seems, however, that His job is to get us to get this. We still think we can defy gravity. We will, but we can't. One day, someday, but not now. There are forces working against us, but that is ok. You see, when we are weak, He really is strong. He was strong yesterday for me. His arms didn't fail me. I could fall into them again and I can fall into them today. The only question is, "Will I?"
God loves weak and needy people because His people are weak and needy. Listen to Isaiah 30:18, "The Lord longs (I love that word. It is strong, consistent, unable to be quenched desire) to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" His longing love is my gravity! When I bask in it roll top desks don’t matter as much. I can bask in His love because His love rests on the performance of another. His love rests on One who was strong, who did defy gravity for me. That is good news that gets into my soul and brings it life.
The thing that gets me though is that God not only loves the weak, but He uses the weak to shame the strong. He works through our weakness to bring the strong down. I think I will save that reality for tomorrow...
Please pray for:
~ We chose a contractor yesterday! That was a big relief! Thank you for praying.
~ Our case was put into the hands of another adjuster yesterday who is contradicting the information the first adjuster gave us. The first adjuster recommended we claim all our clothes and buy new ones. We have been buying new clothes. This new adjuster said we need to go through all our clothes and see what can be cleaned. We meet Thursday. This has sown real insecurity in Rachel and me in regard to who we can trust and how we are to progress forward. We don’t want to be left holding a large bill! Pray.
~ The emotional part of all this has hit the girls. Pray for Amy Katherine as her schedule is intense with school and final rehearsals for High School Musical II. She got home at 11 last night and will probably experience the same tonight. It opens Thursday. Pray for strength for her especially.
~ We couldn’t reach the real estate agent handling the rental house we have our eye on in Harbor Town. Pray that we will reach them today and secure a place to live. We have the house we are in until Sunday morning.
Thank you for praying and please do not stop!
Much Grace,
The Rieves

Dad's 4th Update.

2009-04-13T16:53:00.002-07:00

Dear Friends,

Pass this along...

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..." He really didn't you know.
He didn't in the way we think or want to think. He pawned or, as one friend
put it recently, pimped his wife twice, first to the Egyptian pharoah, then
to Abimelech. He also got tired of waiting on God to make him a dad. He took
Hagar, Sarai's Egyptian handmaid, slept with her and had a child.
Interesting who God uses to propel his purposes in His world. Astounding
that Abraham would be known as the father of faith.

I have had many respond to these email updates with the encouragement of how
our faith has encouraged their souls. I was thinking of this yesterday after
chewing out a Dish Network representative for not letting me out of my
contract. They are willing to down size my package and give me a $10 credit
a month to relieve the bill a bit! Are you kidding me? I think I said
something about her Indian accent and the stupidity of such business
practice. The language I used wouldn't really advance the cause of the
gospel. It felt good, but wasn't good at all. It is much easier to write a
faith filled email than it is to live a faith filled life.

So how could God say, "Abraham in hope believed?" You have to read the words
that precede these, "Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as
righteousness." How does God see and treat us as if we perfectly believe?
God was looking forward to a perfect faith. He looks back for us. It was the
faith of another man who came and lived under the law and treasured his
bride with impeccable love. Instead of fearing for his life when being
associated with her might cost him his life, He gave his life for her. It
was this man's obedience and faith, not Abraham's, that God "credited" to
him. Jesus didn't merely die, he lived under the law for us. He died for us,
rose for us, ascended for us. He did all of this perfectly and that is the
record and performance that God loves us out of! Wow!

So what does this mean? It means God was loving me, crediting righteousness
to me, even when I was doing evil to that poor Dish Network customer service
rep. That kind of love humbles me AND frees me. I don't have to suffer
perfectly, someone has done that for me. That makes me want to suffer
better. I am indebted to love like that. But I don't have to and that helps
me sleep, gives me peace and gives me confidence to face today with all the
inevitable challenges to faith. That, my friends, will preach!

Update:

We moved into our neighbors house last night. We also looked at the two
rentals. One an unfurnished house, the other a furnished apartment. The
apartment is tempting, the house may be the wiser choice. Pray for wisdom.

I am still trying to make the contractor choice. I am calling one today that
I am leaning toward. Pray for wisdom.

Give thanks to God that our neighbor's homes and lives were spared. My next
door neighbor told me last night that he was called and told to come home.
The firemen were afraid the fire would spread to his house. Other neighbors
couldn't at first discern whose house was on fire because of the amount of
smoke. He also told me that there were 8 fire trucks at one point at our
house. I don't even remember those details. They said it was the worst fire
on Mud Island.

We are still very humbled and appreciative of all the prayers and support.
Please keep praying and know, with each prayer, our Father hears and acts!

Much love and grace!

The Rieves

Dad's 3rd E-mail

2009-04-13T16:53:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

Again...forward this on to friends.

We just want to affirm our love and appreciation for all the offers of help and the assurances that you are praying. Amy Katherine was hesitant going to school yesterday, and it was encouraging to be able to tell her that hundreds of people were praying.

Amy Katherine went to play practice last night for dress rehearsal for High School Musical Two. Opening night is next Thursday! After Act I, the entire cast threw a birthday, fire rehab party for her! She was bombarded with gift cards, clothes, jewelry, and notes of encouragement. She felt so loved!

We accepted the offer of our neighbors across the street to move into their house while they vacation for ten days. This will give us time to find a rental house downtown and make the transition. Folks have offered to help move, but it will take one trip from the car to get our belongings into the house! Easiest move ever!

We will be looking at two different rental properties today. One is located just a couple of streets from our present home. It is empty and would need to be furnished. The other is on the south end of downtown and is furnished. We are leaning toward the furnished one. Pray for wisdom with this as being closer would be better, but we have to weigh that with all the work of furnishing a house.

We have had many offers from many of you for rental properties and even free places to stay. Thank you much for these offers! We really do appreciate them. However, we feel a real need to be in downtown, even close to our house. We will be going back and forth many times a day and just need to be close. If all else fails we will take folks up on their offers to live in midtown, Desoto county, etc.

We are still making a decision on a contractor. I told you yesterday that we needed to make this decision then. I am not yet confident enough to do this and have communicated that to our insurance company. They seem fine with that decision. Pray that we would make a wise choice in a timely fashion.

My neighbor asked me yesterday if I had preaching responsibilities this week. It is the first Easter in 18-20 years that I do not. As I reflect on the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, in the face of this tragedy, I can't help but make the connection. While rummaging through Amy Katherine's room yesterday, Rachel found a painted portrait of Zach. AK was four when she crafted this work of art. It was in perfect condition. Out of the soot and destruction comes a thing of beauty. That is life in this world. Life erupts out of death and the contrast is the glory.

Framing this picture has become a priority. It will represent the glory in the darkness of this tragedy and thus, have more value than an original Picasso. It will be prominently displayed in our new home for all to see. Some will know, some will not, but we will certainly know its' significance: death, life, hope.

It is so encouraging to live life knowing the end from the beginning. Precisely because Jesus left glory to secure glory for us, burned out homes, pet grave plots, and disrupted lives are interruptions not endings. We know of an empty grave, a new body and a promise, "I am going to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me where I am." You see, even if we hire a bonehead for a contractor, even if the renovation isn’t what we want, one day some day we WILL know the handiwork of a perfect contractor. We will walk into this new home and feel at home, as if the contractor knew us better than we knew ourselves, as if he knew our souls.

So, I am not preaching this Easter Sunday, but I am receiving and believing! He really did rise from the grave and so will we. Does anything else matter that much? It does matter. The hurt, the tears are real, but someone sees them, and knows them for He has cried them too. The end from the beginning, makes the now bearable if not laughable! Happy Easter and to God be the glory, great things He has done!

Much love and grace,

The Rieves

Dad's 2nd E-mail

2009-04-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Please forward this to mutual friends.

There is no way our family can express how grateful and utterly humbled we
are by all the support we have received the last day and a half! The
prayers, offers of help, phone calls, emails, etc. have made us feel more
loved than you can know.

Please know that if we have not responded to your email, text or call it is
not because of a lack of appreciation. We are very encouraged by them all!
We are most encouraged by your prayers. You may think your prayers are
insignificant, but I can assure you they are sustaining us to an extent none
of us can truly comprehend. So, what can you do? KEEP PRAYING! God is very
much at work. I hope to be able to tell the stories one day.

Thank you for praying for Amy Katherine. She had a good birthday yesterday.
I had been looking for used cars for her for some time. I almost purchased
two different ones, but had misgivings about both. I had almost given up on
finding a car for her birthday, but Tuesday morning saw a new listing on
Craigslist and made the call. It was the perfect deal: low miles,
conservative driver, under priced, small, black, cool and reliable! The
owner allowed me to take the car to my mechanic to check out. After it
checked out I called and made a deal on the phone, got the cash and told him
I would bring the money to him around 7 p.m. Well, at 6:30 p.m I walked away
from the fire trucks and neighbors to make one of the more humorous calls
ever. When he answered I said, "If I were you, I would not believe a word
that you are about to hear, BUT..." He ended up coming to the house, getting
his money and he transferred the title to me on the hood of the car! Buying
a car in front of your burned out home is surreal at best!

The next morning we put the key in a Starbucks travel mug, presented it to
her and the rest is history. We have not been able to get to the beloved DMV
to get her license and I have had time for only her first lesson on driving
a 5 speed, but all of that will come in time. She was excited enough to take
the key in her purse to school this morning!

We buried Zach yesterday afternoon in the flower bed of our side yard. I had
never done a dog funeral, but I think it turned out ok. Many tears, laughs
and hugs. Burying Zach seemed much more about offloading the emotion of "the
fire." There is just something healing about digging a hole, placing the
dead, refilling with dirt, saying your good byes and walking away. I don't
know, It seems wrong but right. Maybe the beginning of healing over the
whole ordeal. It was impossible to go through the ritual without thinking
that it could be one or all of us that were going in the ground. So, hurt,
pain, tears and much thanksgiving! Oh, I don't know if all dogs go to
heaven, but I am pretty sure Zach has!

Here is how you can pray:

~ We are looking for a place to rent. There is a house for rent literally
behind our house. The owners have not returned our call. Our neighbors
across the street are leaving town for 10 days beginning today and have
offered their home. I believe we will be moving in there today or tomorrow.
Please pray we find a place of our own. Then we have to furnish it... Pray!

~ We must make the decision on a contractor today as well. We have
narrowed them to two. Pray for wisdom.

~ Rachel and I are beginning the task today of cataloging every item in
our home that was destroyed. Every pot, pan, napkin, nic-nac!!!!

~ It is suppose to rain today. Pray the patched hole in our roof holds!
The firemen cut a sizeable chunk out of it.

~ We are also beginning to buy clothes, phone chargers, coffee mugs,
etc., etc. Pray we will be wise with the money entrusted to us. Sounds fun,
and it can be at times, but it is also a bit overwhelming.

~ The community downtown has been amazing. God is multiplying our
friendships with business owners, and neighbors in big ways. People are
really watching how our family deals with this all. Doors are open to have
conversations we may not have ever been able to have without this tragedy.
So, pray for the gospel to be as powerful as the smoke smell in our clothes!
We have prayed that this gospel would "permeate" downtown. Well, here we go!

Again, thank you for all your prayers and love. We really do feel the
support. And we really will let folks know of practical ways to help if and
when they come!

Much love and grace,

Richard, Rachel and the fam

Richard Rieves

2009-04-13T16:42:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, my parents house went up in flames. The next day, this is the letter my Dad wrote.

Dear friends,

I am writing to a few asking that you forward this email to our mutual friends.

Yesterday, sometime between 4 and 5 p.m., our home caught fire. Rachel left the house at 3 p.m to pick Amy Katherine up at school, hang out with her until play practice at the Desoto Family Theatre which began at 6 p.m and return home. At approximately 4:45 p.m a neighbor noticed smoke coming out of the back of our home and called 911. I left my office downtown a little after 5 p.m to meet a friend at Pearle's Restaurant and Oyster Bar. On the way I had to stop for a fire truck that was headed over the bridge to Mud Island, our neighborhood. Soon after arriving at Pearle's I received a couple of phone calls, which I ignored, and then a text from a neighbor asking me to call immediately. He informed me our house was on fire, the fire department was present and then he asked if our dog was in the house. For some reason, that question communicated the severity of the fire. I was home within minutes.

We lost everything, we lost nothing. Zach, our family dog for the last 11 years, was killed. Most everything in the house is ruined by either fire, smoke, or water. Our family photo albums, Rachel's pride and joy, seem to have made it because of her meticulous effort in storing them and God's mercy! I had my two bags with me. One that had my Bible and Mac and the other that had my running shoes! What else does a man need? Amy had her backpack of school books, which she would gladly have sacrificed!

The firemen believe the fire started in the outlet behind the built in microwave. From what I saw, that seems plausible. No words can convey how thankful we are to God for not allowing this to happen in the night. The kitchen is just below Amy's bedroom. A fireman told me the upstairs was black with smoke and they almost had to abandon it because of the heat. I'm fighting tears even writing those words. We lost everything, we lost nothing!

As I was watching all the activity, wondering if my files had burned that stores our house insurance info, a man introduced himself as the owner of our Farm Bureau agency. It just so happens he lives on the island and he was dropping off some paperwork to a neighbor three doors down. What a coincidence! For the next several hours he made all the necessary calls and walked me through all the responsibilities before me and answered my questions. It appears we had great coverage for which we are very grateful!

Well, in a couple of hours, we will wake Amy Katherine up and wish her a happy 16th birthday. Before she went to bed, she told us she would feel guilty celebrating her birthday. We assured her we would have no reservations doing so! I think she might change her mind when she sees her present. Shhhhh! That is another great story. To be continued...

Thank you all for your prayers, calls and love. We really feel it. Hear is how you can pray.

- Rachel and the girls have not seen the house. We will go this morning. Pray for Rachel as she lost everything in a fire when she was 18. This has and will bring all those memories up.

- wisdom as we map out a plan for renting a temporary home, renovating the house, buying new clothes, furniture...I guess new everything.
Much of this will fall on Rachel. Pray for her!

- wisdom for me with the church plant. I am launching a series of Bible studies in three weeks. I have felt this whole time that "someone" doesn't want this plant to happen. I am more determined than ever. Much more on this to come...

- join us in thanking God for sparing our lives. We don't deserve that so thanks be to God great things he has done!

Much love and grace,

Richard Rieves

Halloween Party

2008-11-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, Jed and I threw a Halloween party with our neighbors in Lynchburg. We invited tons of people (all our friends without children, those with were trick-or-treating) and had around 100 people come to 1 of the 3 small duplexes that were open to the party. We had so much fun and this year, we threw one in our new home here in Southaven! The best part was, we had a DJ! As a matter of fact, I can now say that our house has had a noise complaint, a cop came to the door and everything! Not that this is the most exciting thing ever, but I am a bit of a rule follower, really a people pleaser, and I hate getting in trouble becasue that means that a person is looking down on me. Yikes! I've got issues. SO ANYWAYS, we had a bunch of friends come completely dressed up.

We were...............

*Captain Hook and Tinkerbell*

*Belly Dancer and Dirty Cop*

*Our precious Hot Dog!*

*Foxy Cleopatra and Austin Powers*

*Cardiac Arrest*

*My Hamburger*

*Witch!*

*My parents totally crashed the part as Serena Williams and Michael Phelps!*
AK was a BANANA!

*The Wicked Witch and Dorothy!*

*McCain and my Pumpkin!*

*My work buddies as a pirate and a Ref*

*The DJ!*

*Ashley was a hippie woman and was sleepy!*

*Popeye!*

*The remnants of Tinky*

The Best Chocolate Cake in the World

2008-10-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

Per request of 2 friends....the Chocolate Bundt Cake Recipe....

Cake
1 Devil's Food Cake Mix
small box instant chocolate pudding
4 eggs
1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cup warm H2O (for those of you who didn't take Chemistry, Water)
6 oz. choc. chips (semi-sweet)
(more ing.'s below)

Mix all except choc. chips. Beat w/electric mixer for 3 minutes. Add chips and beat 1 minute.
Spray Bundt pan w/Pan and Bake at 350 degrees (where the heck is the symbol for that) for 45-55 minutes.

Icing
2 T. Butter
2 oz. unsweetened chocolate
1 t. vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup H2O

Melt butter and unsweetened chocolate on low, add the rest and beat.

Pour over cake!

Peace to the world, and chocolate too!

The Burg Pictures

2008-10-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me why it took a year to post these. This was back in August. We had so much fun in Lynchburg and were able to stay with Ben and Jess (jed's bro and his wife) and the kids. Also, we were able to hang out at the Ankeney's and the Webbs with our friends! We are ready for another trip back, as usual...

Wedding Season!

2008-10-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

So, there really is no excuse besides, I've just not felt like blogging. Jed and I are getting ready for the slew of weddings coming on this fall. We've had a few that we've attended already but some big ones that we're in are coming up. Next weekend, Jessie is getting married! Jessie is Roxanne's sis. She's like my own sister and I love this girl. We've had showers already and have lingerie shower Thursday, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner this Friday. The next weekend, Jed's brother, Wes, and my friend, Hillary, are getting married too! I'm pretty pumped and we're both in that one so we're ready to party! A few weeks later, Mary and Josh, a couple that we've gotten closer to lately (Josh was a youth intern in CO and overlapped while we were there and he and Jed became friends), are getting married. I spent much of high school knowing Mary and we're excited for them too. THEN, the second weekend in December, we're going to Texas for Austin and Elisabeth's wedding. Austin was a groomsman in our wedding and Jed will be standing with him as well. We just recently have gotten to know Elisabeth and she's a sweetheart....and guess what! They live in Memphis and we have couple friends! Yay. They're that couple that every time we see them (like Thursday for The Office night) we remember how much we love them and want to see them more.

Anyways, just thought I'd give an excuse for why I've been so absent. Also, this morning, Eli, Rox's baby, was baptized. Mike did the baptism, preaching, AND played the guitar for the music. WOW...poor guy. All the other staff were out of town. But, he did an awesome job and we partied at McAlisters afterwards.

I swear I'll try and update again soon!

7 Factors of a Weirdo

2008-09-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

If you are tagged, you must firstly post the rules:
*Write 7 strange characteristics about yourself. They interest us all!
*Tag 5 other people at the end of your Post.
*Visit everyone that you have tagged and leave a comment on their blog to let them know that they have been tagged.

1. I love to write grants. I know. I can't believe it either.
2. I love martial arts movies. My husband got me into them and I just really like them.
3. I love rap music. Yes, I am a 24 year old white middle-class Suburban wife. And, I like rap and hip-hop.
4. I like to poke my bruises.
5. Alright, shocker, I know, but I actually enjoy being by myself more than Jed AND Roxanne. No, this does not make me an introvert, I just love to dream and be by myself reading blogs and books and cleaning and thinking.
6. I rub my tongue against the back side of my teeth alot in upward motions and I am OCD about how many times I do that on each tooth. They have to be even.
7. When I am driving, I look at other people's license plates and write the number/letter combo with my thumb again and again. Don't know why, but I do.
Tag, you're it!
Emily
Erin
Roxanne

A Good Laugh

2008-09-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

Overheard conversation in David's Bridal yesterday

Customer to Saleslady while holding up a dress: "Can you alterate this?"
Followed by confused-by-her-own-self facial expression and pause. She obviously realized she had used the wrong word. So she decided to correct herself: "I mean, can you alternate this?"
Followed by completely self-satisfied and confident look of pleasure.

I left the store and thought about how happy I was that she would have her dress alternated.

Got this from a friend today and thought I'd blog it...

2008-09-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

A little fun for the day!! If you opened this, you have to do it. Then, send it back to the person who sent it to you and the rest of your friends!

Two names you go by:
Whit
Whitty

Two things you are wearing right now:
a cami
my wedding rings

Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship:
a dog
someone who keeps their mouth shut

Two of your favorite things to do:
read stuff
snuggle with Nikki and Jed

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
more money
sanity

Two things you did yesterday:
worked out for the first time in ages
organized my grant book and research at work

Two people who will fill this out:
Kelli
Lill already did

Two people you last talked to:
Andreana-my bud from work
Becky-my aunt and friend

Two things you ate yesterday:
frozen panini
chicken and gravy..mmmmm

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
hanging out with some of my favorite girls
singing

Two Favorite Holidays:
Christmas
Halloween

Favorite beverages:
red wine
peach tea

Person no longer alive who you'd like to talk to:
Elvis
St. Patrick

OK so now if you blog, you gotta do this too.....even though it's not the funnest one I've ever done, I have 2 more (one from Kelli, one from Erin) that I have to post soon and they are really interesting.

The Burg....again

2008-08-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Welp, Jed and I left yesterday after a half day of work and made by 2ish in the morning in the Burg. We are staying with Ben and Jess (Jed's bro and his bride) and our niece and nephew. We love them!

Tonight we're off to see our girls and guys groups and cannot WAIT! So far, I've been to the J.Crew outlet and bought a dress...you could say I'm a little excited. :)

I will blog soon.

-Jed has been gone to South America for a few weeks....I'll update on that later.

-I painted the stairwell, kitchen, and living room while he was gone. This was a serious task with out 15 foot ceilings and painting the walls up to it. I still can't believe I did it.

-We threw a shower for Roxanne....no pics though :( Jed took the cam to S. America

-Work has been INSANE

-My parents moved in to their new house and it's my favorite they've ever had.

-More stuff happened but my brain is fried bc I'm getting older.

-RUMINATE is now a non-profit.

Peace!

Chit Chat

2008-08-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to catch you up on the recent happenings besides to make a list. I'll post pics later. I'm too tired now.
-The play ended. I made some fun friends and had a blast but was so excited to have some normality added to life, UNTIL....
-My dad ended up with a herniated disc in his neck and was in excruciating pain for about 3 weeks. THEN...
-he had surgery. Welcome back to the South, Dad!
-Work has been CRAZY trying to recruit volunteers before school starts and continue writing grants.
-We bought a really great entertainment stand, and couldn't stand it (no pun intended :) ) anymore so we bought a 42" flat screen. Yes, details would be nice, but only Jed understands those in this household.
-Netflix rocks my world.
-The Dark Knight rocks my world (Yay for Heath...he's still the man).
-Mama Mia rocks my world.
-We went to Iowa for a week to visit Jed's grandmother for a family reunion. It was so fun. Pictures are on facebook...check it out!
-For my birthday, hubby took me to see Pride and Prejudice, the play. It was wonderful and even he liked it :)
-My parents bought a really cute house, they move in in the middle of August.
-Jed is going to South America in a few weeks with his dad, I'm beyond jealous. And no, I do not want to talk about it.
-Just read Twilight. Couldn't put it down. I have been casually seduced by Edward, the vampire. Can't wait to read the others, and see the movie!

Modest Swimwear

2008-06-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.wholesomewear.com/

Roxanne just sent me an e-mail with this link in it. As much as I hate wearing a bathing suit, I am not sure this was the answer I was looking for. Ya'll are gonna crack up.....

Joseph pics!

2008-06-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

So I don't have time for a full post. But these are a few in my sexy Cleopatra wig. The play has been so much fun. SO much work. But awesome! My daddy!
The Streets crew came. I was really happy.
AK

Ashley Wieronski-the star! She's amazingly talented. Me-getting ready :)

My husband-Dan-in real life, Stephen Kelly, totally love this guy. He's great!
My director, Harry Snelling!

More of the house.

2008-05-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

Our bathroom shower. Plus, you can see to the right, we have a sweet jacuzzi tub! Our "separate crapper" as our realtor pointed out-quite a selling point.

Finally, Jed doesn't have to share a small mirror w/me!

Here's our bedroom. We love the new color on the walls. Updates include new bedding and a new bed at some point. We sorta lost the sideboards in the move....somehow.

We have 2 of these windows. I love them.

And, of course, our guest bathroom....it has a toilet and tub too, but those weren't the cute parts :)

A laundry room!

Our Kitchen!

2008-05-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

We have a really fun eating area in our kitchen.... And I love the lights hanging down separating the kitchen and living area.

OUR NEW HOUSE!

2008-05-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Alright--so I've decided to do this over a few blogs bc this one turned out so badly :) Here's our house-we love it although we are just beginning the redecorating. I don't think there's a single room that we won't change somthing major in :) Here is our cute fireplace.... And our guest bedroom downstairs...can you tell we need some fresh paint? Jed just loves the pink. Sarcasm people.

And I am standing on the stairs taking this of our den that heads into the kitchen area. NEW COUCHES. I love them. And, of course, my fave coffee table of all times that my hubs made.

Our favorite part of the house is how OPEN it is. We love how the den opens into the kitchen.

For Kelli Johnson

2008-05-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

I LOVE my friend, Kelli Johnson's blog. She makes me laugh AND cry. She will post about anything. Sometimes funny, sometimes her raw feelings, and other times just fun pics. I have admitted before that I am an avid blog reader but because of the state of our house and the play and work and everything else going on, I haven't read in ab a week. So yesterday I got on and caught up on all the blogs I read. Hers made reference to the fact that all her friends weren't updating theirs. And she said, "Pregnant people, graduating people, people who spent a week in grand cayman, people with three girls, two girls, people who just bought their first home, People who got into seminary....come on!" This was her plea for her friends to update. I am the "people who just bought their first home." So, in honor of Kelli, I am promising that this weekend I will update w/pics of the house like I've been promising.

By the way, my sis and mom roll into town for good this weekend. I am SO pumped!

Can I get a what what?

2008-05-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

Alright, so yes, I will be putting a coat of many colors up Ashley's....nostrils, to be nice :) (read her comment, it actually made me laugh for real). I am Dan's wife in Joseph at DeSoto Family Theatre--our community theatre here in northern MS. Not real ambitious--an amazing chic (Ashley Wieronski for those of you that know her, look her up on youtube if you don't) auditioned for the narrator and I'm excited to be in a show with her. The rest of us women are the brothers wives. This means five days a week of vocals and grueling choreography. heehee. Another cool part is that my aunt Becky is also in the show, as is my seven year old cousin-Rachel. Anyways, practices are now until the end of June when we'll have two full weekends of performances. If you can come, it's a pretty fun show.

AND the house is coming along. If someone could donate about $15,000 that'd be great. I'll need it for hardware for our cabinets, a new bed, some other furniture, a new flat-screen TV, new towels, curtains, blinds, etc. Seriously, we're just trying to take it one room at a time and save for the big stuff. I WILL post pics soon. But w/our schedule right now it's getting a little hard to post.

Other news....ummm, I asked to go to the Burg for my birthday present from Jed. Cool huh? I'm pretty pumped about that.

I'll try to post again soon. I have cool stories from work I want to tell :)

Go go go Joseph

2008-05-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hello! I feel as if lately I only write apologies. I am not apologizing. We just got internet access and I haven't had time to write. Between work, Nikki, Body Pump classes at the gym (my new obsession), the new house, family coming in and out of town and my newest endeavor (which I'll tell you about soon) I have been really busy!

So this is the hint for my newest endeavor. Most of you already know but can you guess what I'm doing?????

Will write more soon!

I WILL Come Back

2008-04-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys,

I will start writing again, I promise. We still do not have internet or our computer set up at the house and I'm not sure it's exactly professional to update your blog at work. BUT, this weekend, that will change and I will be back to annoying you all again. And, I WILL post pics of the house. Hip Hip!

Hello!

2008-04-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

SO-
I bought a couch and loveseat today! I pick them up Tuesday. I promise that I will post pics of the house soon but this move is making things intense. Not to mention the fact that I am thinking of auditioning for a play at the local community theatre. AND that work is increasing hours (this is a good thing). Love you all, and I WILL update soon.

E-mail

2008-04-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

**For those of you referencing this website bc of the mass e-mail that I just sent, this is just a copy of the e-mail....scroll down for more exciting stuff (she sarcastically says)**

Hello Everyone,

I have been promising many of you to send our new address and other information for awhile...so here's the update: After a humbling, but overall good experience in Colorado (more info on the blog), we DID move back to the Memphis area in December so that Jed could take a position as the IT Director at NICS (Network of International Christian School). NICS plants Christian schools all around the world. They have over 20 schools in 16 different countries and the home office is here in Southaven (suburb of Memphis for those of youwho don't know). He is absolutely loving his job and the people that he works with. God is doing ALOT around the world and these schools come with some pretty amazing stories.I will post some eventually on our blog for those of you who care to check it out :) Because it is a mission organization, we are allowed to raise extra support if we need it. This will eventually become a need when we have children, but for now, we are trying to avoid it.

I just finished my fourth week at Streets Ministries as their Development Coordinator. This can mean a number of things but in this case, means that I am the Volunteer Coordinator and will be doing grant writing as well. Streets is located in downtown Memphis (38126-3rd poorest zip in our country) and serves kids in the Foote and CleabornHomes communities--the downtown housing projects. The ministry has a facility in which there is a gym, computerlab, playstation room, club room, and more. The students come hang out after school and enjoy the facility and are tutored and mentored through a variety of programs. It is most famous among people outside of this community because Ken Bennett, the founder and director of Streets, is the chaplain for the Memphis Tigers (many of whomcame through Streets themselves). Anyways, I love my job and feel really blessed to wake up excited about it.

Right now our address is 3295 Bonner Dr., Olive Branch, MS 38654 but next Sunday it will change to 5315 KalianCove, Southaven, MS 38671. Yes, this means that we bought a house! We are so excited and cannot wait to move in. Come visit us--we LOVE visitors and miss SO many of you!!

So-I am trying not to make this a forever long e-mail but if you want to know more about what is going on-see our blog:whitneyhale.blogspot.com. It includes more announcements such as my parents and sisters are moving back this summer to plant a church in downtown Memphis. I am warning you, the blog is a bit raw at times, but it does show that although everything seems like it's going perfectly, it's really not. We're still two stupid sinners trying to love each other and Jesus. This last year has been the most eventful of my life and I am somewhat exhausted. I am really thankful for this because Jesus has been so evident and we have been really humbled which I do not mean in a sweet spiritual way--We have been knocked on our butts!

Anyways, hope everything is well with everyone--Please let me know what is going on with all of you as well!

Sorry for no Christmas letter and pic this year, a colossal sanctification period was more predominant at the time (ha!)

Grace, Whitney Hale (for both me and Jed)

Guess What!

2008-03-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

I got a job! Yes, I just completed my third week at Streets Ministries and i LOVE it! Can you believe it?? I am the Development Coordinator which means that I am the Grant Writer/Volunteer Coordinator. I write people for money while still being an extrovert, speaking to Sunday schools, churches, and other gatherings(eventually) to recruit volunteers and then I train and place them.

Streets is a ministry for underprivelaged Memphis kids living in the Foote and Cleaborn homes (the downtown housing projects), which make up the zip code 38126--the third poorest in the U.S. We have a 4.2 million dollar facility in which there is a gym, computer lab, multi-purpose "club" room, playstation room, etc. The kids come in after school and have a safe place to chill while also being encouraged to take advantage of the amazing programs. Seriously, they're amazing. We have "clubs," tournaments, parties, tutors, etc. but my favorite is Pathways. Pathways is one of the programs that I will be recruiting for. It is where an adult (college aged or older, seems like empty nesters are the best) is paired with a student (7-12 grade) whose GPA is a 2.5 or higher. The goal is to pair them up while the student is in 7th grade and the requirement is a 1 hour tutoring session per week. The goal of this program is to build a long term relationship between the two. For example, there was a girl who began this program 15 years ago as a 7th grader and was paired with a 23 year old. They began their relationship as tutor/tutored and it developed into the mentor buying clothes for the girl to have her first interview, joining her and her husband on family vacations, helping her get into college, moving her into the dorm, being at college graduation, etc. Eventually this girl went on to get her masters in social work and now works as a social worker back in the middle school that she went to, and the middle school that Streets ministers to. AMAZING! I was able to meet with this gal last week and hear her testimony...wow!

The projects are such a mess, the politics are insane, the morals engrained into the culture are horrid (try having hardly any fathers in a neigborhood), the gangs are violent, the families are falling apart or non-existant and God is in the middle of this! I have learned so much from these kids and the indigenous staff already. It is so humbling. I called my mom crying the first week, thanking her for reading to me as a kid.....I feel like such a brat watching these kids who have nothing hold their heads high without whining.

I'm sure I'll be telling more stories along the way, but know that I am being knocked on my butt again by God and this Jesus who was knocked to death so He and I could have a wedding one day.

Olive Branch Treehouse

2008-03-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

I know that I have been bad at updating lately. Ash came in town and now Mom gets here tonight. I am so excited. I know that I need to tell you about my job. And I will, but first, here are some pictures of my life here!

Here is our treehouse. Yes, the whole thing! A picture of Jed's mom's awesome quilt.
Our kitchen.

The vase Minnie got for me in Peru. My grandmother still goes on mission trips.

My bowl that Mom and Dad gave me for Christmas. I LOVE it!

I took this old window that I got in Bay St. Louis (left from Katrina), and I stapled chicken wire to it in order to finally make an adequate jewlery holder.

More of the trip to the Burg

2008-03-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

Annie Earlsie....I love this beautiful woman who came to see us even though she was sick :(

Really bright, I know! But still...there we are.

Typical girl kissy faces.....they are a must-take pic for women for some reason :)

Our favorite style embellishment of the evening...Laura's cute hat.

Rachael is quite the latin dancer and showed us some of her moves!

More again later....I'm running out of time....

Trip to VA

2008-03-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

So yes, once again, the dumb pics post in a ridiculous order! The story is below them and I will post another blog of pics.

YES! I am finally working. I promise to update everyone on that (and it's wonderful, by the way). But since I love organization-I must tell all about what's happened since I last updated.

We went to Virginia! I have missed Lynchburg like you could not imagine and while we were there we were able to see SO many people. Thursday we caught up with the Andersons, the Webbs, some people at LU, Wes and Hill, Jackie, Debbie Bennetch (my mentor there for those who do not know this wonderful woman...I wanna be like her when I grow up), my wonderful Sarah Gahagan and more that I'm forgetting. Friday I had b-fast w/one of my best pals, Kelli, oh, and Bees-her daughter whom I love-and went to the J.Crew outlet. I also hung out at the Webbs some more-whose gorgeous (I mean, for real!) home we stayed in and whose friendship so graciously allowed us to impose because they had JUST moved in a few days before, now THAT'S a friend. Fri. night. we had dinner with the Webbs and Ankeneys and went to the Johnson's for a partay with our girl and guy groups! It was so much fun and we stayed up incredibly late. All the kids went down upstairs and it was so good to see everyone and to catch up! Saturday we had a lunch at the Trivits and Saturday night I went out for drinks and a bit of dancing with Kelli, Rachael, Laura, and Renee at Bullbranch--one of my fave undergrounds spots in the Burg. Man was that fun. Thus, the pictures! Sunday morning, we went to Redeemer and it made us miss that church. We were able to catch up with everyone and of course, hit up some Osaka, our favorite Japanese fast food, for some lunch before we left. I did NOT want to pull away from there. I am so thankful for our friends and I miss them so bad it sometimes hurts.

Lagniappe

2008-02-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

So I know that this makes 2 in one day, but I also know that miracles DO happen once in awhile. I just wanted to preview 2 upcoming blog entries:
1. I got a job....I'll tell you all ab it very soon.
2. I am going this weekend to a women's retreat at Lagniappe Pres. in Bay St. Louis, MS. I cannot imagine a better women's retreat than one that Kelli is planning or that I went to last year BUT this will be a close second, or third, I expect. Check out the line-up. And you have to know that one of my fave preachers (top 2, my dad being the other, I'm not just saying that cuz he's my dad) is the pastor of the church, Jean Larroux. Get on and listen to one of his sermons. He's nothing short of amazing. This is a man who knows Jesus and who knows his sin. I leave in the morning and then get back Sunday in time to see Mike, (Rox's hubby) be ORDAINED!

I am Marianne!

2008-02-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

Two of my friends have done this on their blogs now...I thought it was my turn. I probably could've guessed it'd be Marianne! lol....my description is below. Click on the pic to do it too!! You are Marianne Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are impulsive, romantic, impatient, and perhaps a bit too brutally honest. You enjoy romantic poetry and novels, and play the pianoforte beautifully. To boot, your singing voice is captivating. You feel deeply, and love passionately.

My Favorite News

2008-02-15T18:47:00.000-08:00

This is the letter that my dad sent out to Grace Church-our church in CO. This is bittersweet--I am so hearbroken for my family but of course, selfishly, I am excited for me.

Dear Grace Church Family,

This is the email few want to write and even fewer want to read. As I prepare to say what is on my heart, Paul's words to the church in Philippi ring in my ears, "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (1:3-6)." There are no words to describe my love for Grace Church. She has caused me to be infuriated at times but has changed, blessed, stretched, and encouraged me over the last four and a half years. I am a different person because of you and that impact will last into glory. With that firmly in mind, please proceed.

One writer likens God's pursuit of His children to a hound's pursuit of a rabbit. It is never fun being the rabbit, but as Christians, we know that His pursuit always ends in the arms of the Father. Over the last few months, I have been running from a call I feared would end in my departure from Grace. I feared that it would because for some fifteen years, I have been compelled by a vision of a church being started in downtown Memphis, TN. Memphis, having just earned the title of the number one violent crime city in this country, has lived in the shadow of deep racism and an ever growing disparity between the “haves” and the “have nots.” It is the city that hosted the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr, the garbage workers strike, race riots, and more. I have heard stories from those in my parent's generation of white people locking arms to keep "blacks" out of "their" churches during the days of integration in the late sixties and early seventies. Whereas laws and some perspectives have changed, segregation and racism still exist-- even, and to some degree especially--in the church. The accepted way to do church is for African American and white people to go to their respective churches. I have always felt the great need for this to change. Paul tells us that the gospel is the very tool for that change. He reminds a racially and ethnically diverse people, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:26-28).”

So how could a vision to plant a church in Downtown Memphis be compelling from the vantage point of Fort Collins, CO--Money Magazine's number one city in the country to live? The story of Nehemiah may provide some insight. He received word that Jerusalem, the great city which he loved, was in shambles. It so impacted him that King Susa, the king he served, recognized his sullenness and asked, "What is it you want?" After praying and being led by the Holy Spirit he responded, "If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my fathers are buried so that I can rebuild it." (Nehemiah 2:4-5) That communicates my sentiment in so many ways.

I am at an age, or stage in life, that I am asking the larger questions, like, “How has God gifted me and where would those gifts be best utilized in His kingdom work?” After a lot of soul searching and prayer, I think my strongest gifts are in creating a bold vision for a place and people trusting God to bring about His work through gospel preaching and living relationally authentic before and with those people. That is pretty much who and what God has made me to be. Though the work here is far from finished, it has been strongly begun and is moving forward in this direction of gospel ministry and culture. The gospel vision is clear, you guys are firmly committed to it, and, I am convinced, will never compromise it.

In the midst of asking these questions, and possessing the longstanding pull to downtown Memphis, a church in that city approached me about the possibility of planting a church there. I told them about my compelling vision for a racially diverse church and what would be needed to plant such a church. At first they were not on board with this vision, but eventually came around. In the midst of this I struggled with the timing, our love for Grace and the uniquely strong relationships we have built and will always cherish. At the end of the day, however, this vision for Memphis, the assessment of my gifts, the burden of our aging parents, and the needs of our family have come together to convince me to take this call.

So what about Grace Church? Please know that I have thought, prayed, and sought counsel long and hard about you all. The future health of Grace and the strength of Grace moving forward have been first and foremost on my mind and heart. The first comfort I have in my departure, however, is the clear calling and giftedness of Scott Lowe. I met with Scott in early November to tell him of the possibility and asked him if he and Amy were committed to staying at Grace long term. After consulting with Amy, he affirmed that they feel called, and are settled and committed to the vision, mission, and people of Grace. In his words, “We feel called here and do not want to leave!” Since that time he has affirmed this call and even feels that his call has grown stronger. Another comfort is the surplus of leadership that exists at Grace. In our denomination, the Presbyterian Church of America, the leadership of the church lies in the hands of the elders. Whereas we do not have elders trained and ordained as of yet, Scott and I were ready to begin the training process this past January. We postponed the training due to me processing through this new call. Thus, we may very well begin this process soon and see elders in place before my departure. The final comfort that I will mention is the backing of our local presbytery. I spoke with the chairman of the committee that has oversight of our church plant and he affirmed his willingness to back Grace in any way possible. He and the committee will be available to advise and for counsel with our leaders and congregation along the way toward finding the right man to serve as pastor of Grace.

I also want to communicate that another big concern in our decision was the uncompromised desire to see Restoration Now and RUF move forward. I do not want to compromise their support or viability in any way. These two ministries are vital to the vision, mission and life of Grace Church. Whereas there is no way to completely control the affect on them, my hope and plea is that we rally around the Bakers, the students, and the Roloffs in this transition. Both of these ministries are in great hands with Ryan Baker and Josh Roloff, but they will need our support during this time!

So what is the process of moving forward? I will not be leaving until this summer which gives me a good amount of time to work with our leaders, Scott and presbytery to formulate a solid plan. We will be answering questions like, is it wise to train and install elders before Richard’s departure? What are the gifts and role of the pastor coming in relation to the present needs of Grace? What is Scott’s role in this? Etc. As these questions are answered, we will waste no time in moving forward.

I know, by the reaction of the few I have told, that this will hit many completely by surprise. I fully understand that this will be a potentially hurtful announcement that may cause much fear. Please know that this is about God’s call on my life, my family’s life, and nothing else. We love Grace Church more than you can possibly know. It has been a gruelingly painful process to discern this call over the last couple of months. We cannot imagine life without the relationships we have witnessed God build here and are having to die a real death to even make a decision to leave. I am confident, however, that the gospel will continue through you for years to come!

I also know that some of you may want time to process this with me. The reason I sent an email, which seems so impersonal, is that I might give you all a time to process and then talk. I will be available at the church tomorrow (Saturday) at 2 p.m to answer any questions that you may have. I will also stay around after worship on Sunday for the same reason. Please be in prayer for all involved and impacted by this decision. As I pray for you, my hope is that you will pray for me, my family, and a future church in downtown Memphis. May we all unite around the desire to see the gospel go out to many in varying places!

Much love and grace, Richard

Finally, apprehensively, fingers crossed-ly

2008-02-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

We are on the brink of many changes here in the Hale treehouse. Yes, the apartment we are living in is kin to a glorified treehouse. I love it. Adventure #116 for me and Jed :)

I am (finally, apprehensively, fingers crossed-ly) on the verge of a job I'd love which I will not talk about until it is finalized. We are (finally, apprehensively, fingers crossed-ly) going to begin our house hunt. It will be like Christmas unpacking our boxes. I have forgotten what my things look like. Does everyone spend time on fun home design blogs like Design Sponge and stores like 2modern when getting ready to look for a house even though you know you can't afford anything to put in it yet?

The problem is, the more life moves on, the more crap in my heart I am having to deal with. I sometimes feel like the #2 filled toilet won't stop overflowing and the more I plunge it, the more it keeps coming. This week, amongst other things, I am learning to keep my mouth shut. Yesterday I attempted this. Yes, I know many of you are thinking, "Wow! Really? You really didn't say anything when you knew you shouldn't have?" Well, the answer is that I did not actually say anything but it was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I told a friend today that all I could think afterwards was, "Those poor people didn't get to hear MY opinion." Yes, there is something overtly and obviously evil about me. And I am being witty but I am very serious about that. I have issues controlling my tongue and realizing that people quite possibly do not want to hear everything that I have to say and that my tongue is a double-edged sword with jellyfish stingers attached and is often unbearingly painful for people to be around. I used to educate myself in the school of If-you-think-it-you-might-as-well-say-it-because-it's-just-as-wrong-to-think-it but some wise people (e.g. my husband who puts up with me and my mom who has always put up with me) have lately advised that maybe I should transfer to the school of If-I-keep-my-murderous-comments-to-myself,-I-only-have-my-indignant-heart-to-deal-with-and-not-the-blood-and-guts-of-my-murdered-friends-to-put-back-together-maybe-things-will-be-less-time-consuming-and-my-friends-will-be-able-to-love-me-more-easily-and-not-feel-scorched-by-the-sun-of-my-tongue school. Oh, I know what you are thinking, "That thought is not common sense, Whit, that's bloody brilliant wisdom on your advisor's parts. I mean, I can see the thought process of thinking that murdering people would help build relationships and not tear them apart". Thanks for making me feel better. I knew I liked all you poor people who read my blog.

But anyways, maybe the next blog will be more uplifting.

2008-02-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

10 things I did this week:

1. Shopped for a day w/my friend Rox, who, by the way, is pregno!

2. Bought Palmer's Cocoa Butter for my "beauty flaws."

3. Met with an amazing grant writer, who helped me out big time!

4. Had birthday dinner for my grandmother, Minnie, in our itty bitty apartment.

5. Complained because Nikki began her heat cycle.

6. Watched a funnel cloud pass over our house (and got a sweet pic too). This was a first. Amazing. I am so thankful that it was not a tornado here!

7. Changed the date for our Burg trip :)

8. Went to the Allie awards (the DeSoto County Golden Globes).

9. Watched a lot of TLC.

10. Cooked soup!

Another uneventful week, maybe next week will look better.....

Boring

2008-02-03T19:03:00.000-08:00

I know that I haven't posted in awhile. I keep meaning to write and never getting around to it. We are still adjusting to the Memphis area and to be honest, have so much going on, it is hard to get around to writing about it. It's exhausting to write an all out intense melodrama--which is what I live through on a daily basis--so maybe I'll start telling at least the logistics of our day to day life....so, I promise to write in the next few days. For now, jed and I are starting a diet tomorrow to get rid of some extra parasitic blubber we've been keeping around for fun. And, honestly, so I can wear a bathing suit in the summer and fit back into all of my pants.
SO-pray for us and check out etsy.com which I am obsessed with AND tell me what you're giving up for lent.

Happenin' Sites

2008-01-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

I DO love to read a good blog. I'm gonna start posting a few every once in awhile that I keep up with. I won't overwhelm you w/all of them at once :) Also, if you have a blog that I haven't commented on, I probably don't read it. So let me know what it is so I can look!

Minismith

Confessions of a Mama Queen

Lala

Identity Crisis

2008-01-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what to do with my life. I have tried verbally processing my plans, goals, ambitions, and dreams with Jed and Mom and my friends and everyone who will listen (geez, maybe I AM really obnoxious after all. *wink*). This doesn't seem to help. As much as I appreciate all of the advice, I get confused with all of it. I still don't know what to do. That isn't saying that I am doing nothing, I just don't know that what I am doing is right.

I try thinking about all of the things that I love: talking to people, community (so I guess people in general), reading, writing (when I get to it), being a control freak, good art (inclusive of visual art, good writing, theatre, and good music), looking at blogs, making lists--the list could go on forever. I have loved my "job" at Ruminate-choosing the poetry, and other random odds and ends of things and want it to survive. And so I've thought, as opposed to commiting all my time to it, maybe a good use of time would be to get a job where I can learn how to help Ruminate survive the small and poor world of Christian people who care about good art and writing. So I would LOVE to learn how to write grants or learn to be a good marketing and PR person. So how do I learn how to do this? Getting a job doing exactly one of these things is going to be difficult. I am not saying that the jobs are not here, I just don' t know how to go about finding them. I am going to begin exhausting my resources this week-basically, just talking to people I know here, and asking for direction and for them to keep their ears open. SO, if anyone knows anyone who knows anything about this, TELL ME!

((SIDE NOTE-I really don't KNOW that this is what I want to do, it just makes sense in my head, so if anyone hears of any OTHER openings that would be fun or stimulating, let me know, I'll be happy to talk about it. (Now you know that I really have no direction, I just need a job!) ))

In the meantime, I am applying to substitute teach at my high school and in local county schools. This certainly pays more than I am making now-nothing!

If anyone would like to pay for career counseling or would like to counsel me--remember that I'm not picky, but must have a job that pays decent, that I would like, where I'm not stuck behind a desk all day, that I can do part-time with children, oh, and okay, really it shouldn't pay decent, INCREDIBLE would be better, and while you're thinking-is there anyone who would just pay me to just do what I want to all day? (just kidding ab all this....kind of, *wink*)

Am I just proving the title of this blog?

Some Overdue Christmas Pictures....

2008-01-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

The Hale family Christmas picture! Everyone came in this year Wes and Hill. Love them.
We caught Gabe, our nephew, LICKING his plate clean. Quite literally.
Kellyn, our sweet niece.
No, I wasn't lying. Jed DOES have 3 brothers. Here they all are with their dad. From left to right-Wesley, the youngest, in school at LU. Jed of course is next, then Ben, who is married with 2 kids and lives in Korea. Their Dad, who lives here in Memphis, and Daniel lives in Korea as well and is married....can you guess where they were going?

Pictures.//

2008-01-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

Blogger stinks. Here's the rest of the pics from Port Elizabeth, on facebook. So if you have facebook, look there.

Here it is.

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4.

5.

6.

Hello

2008-01-08T12:26:00.000-08:00

For some reason, blogger won't let me put the pics last (or maybe i'm just not as smart as hubs). So here's the pics from Port elizabeth, South Africa up top.

So the Christmas wrappings, trees, mistletoe, and bells have been put away, and we have the bruises and exhaustion sickness to show for it. We "scooched" to Olive Branch, MS safely (praise God, it was through the snowstorms) and are living in a great little apartment. Jed's parents have a detached garage with an apartment above it and we are so thankful! We have some awesome parents who have all let us crash with them for extended periods of time (and my parents have the bruises to show for that). Jed is LOVING his job at NICS and comes home exhausted and filled to the brim with new information but more computer savvy and happy than I've seen him in awhile. I have just begun my search for a job yesterday. Some cool things about living here:

1. We see his parents, grandparents, and his aunt and cuz, my grandparents, aunt, and cousin a lot! :)

2. My BF (Roxanne) who lives here is PREGNO. That's right, I'll be an auntie! I am so excited and have already spent time on etsy.com dreaming about both sexes the baby could be.

3. I have another BF, Lill, who lives right down the road.

4. There are family friends everywhere.

5. We don't live far from Beale Street-the famous hub for good blues and good food.

6. SOUTHERN FOOD!

But, I am really missing our new friends in Fort Collins and, since we've been here, my girls in the Burg. To say the least, I'm heartbroken. Something about things coming together makes me mourn our time there a little more.

This is long!

2007-12-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

Here we go again. I wanted to start a new and better blog that read, "Welcome, friends, to a new and better blog! I promise to post more often, be more blunt and raw, and post more pictures. I promise you will know what's going on in my heart and soul". I'd be lying. Instead, here's the promise: I solemnly promise to try harder at posting more often and most solemnly swear that you will be disappointed eventually at how horrid my writing is, how depressed I can get, and how I can even forget to post (usually). So there!

The truth is, I forgot my username and password for my other account and decided to start over with Whitney's Lollygag. A title that snippets who I am. Never completely stable, never slightly together. Rarely photogenic (SOMETIMES I do well, on the 18th attempt). Never understanding. Never in control and never quite knowing what I want. Always lollygagging. ALWAYS lollygagging. Maybe tomorrow I'll change the title to Whitney, Strong Warrior! Until then, the lollygag will work.

A quick update (considering it covers alot):

6 months ago, Jed and I loaded our stuff and moved to Fort Collins. I honestly don't feel like explaining the last six months, let's just say we've fallen on our face, Jed hasn't found the world's greatest job, we haven't performed miracles, we haven't been saviors to the lonely and afflicted. Instead, I've been frustrated. I've asked questions.

Why do our friends mothers die when they are beautiful women who encourage the rest of us? Why are we torturously lonely so often? Why doesn't my husband entirely understand me? Why do I argue with my wise mom so often? Why do friends get divorces? Why do people cheat? Why do my friends moms get leukemia? Why am I always the one confronted? Why does my mouth always get me in trouble, (I woulda thought someone woulda stuck something in it by now)? Why does He answer everyone else's prayers? Why does He lay ME low?

On Sunday, Dad used an illustration from Anne Lamott (whom I delight over)'s book, Grace Actually, and included when Anne says, "I wish grace and healing were more abracadabra kinds of things, that delicate silver bells would ring to announce grace's arrival. But no, it's clog and slog and scootch, on the floor, in silence, in the dark." These words perhaps unite my frustrations and beget my real feelings about faith. I am a scoocher. A slogger. A clogger. I am a one step forward, 4 steps back kind of gal. I learn from doing, and do a lot of sleazy, substandard, nasty things. But Dad's sermon was more about Jesus. More about his conquering the madness.

Jesus meets me in the dreadful and unexpected places. He meets me in bars, in my prized dog missing (last week), in raunchy stomach viruses (of which I have had 3 in the last 6 months), in a miserable move and drive across the country, in my arguments with my husband, in my harsh words, in our whole savings account vanishing before the eyes of a control freak (namely, me), in the the death of friends parents, in the opening of the door to my closet and the ensueing view of all the skeletons, in the embarassing moments that I so often find myself in, in my lack of right words, and even my obnoxious and horrific overabundace of the wrong ones, in the divorces, in the lost friends, in the confrontations, and in all the other ghastly places I've been and will go. He is in them. He is in them because He has conquered all of them. He comes in and amputates my pride and my idols. It is excruciating. He brings hope and life and gladness again. He is like the friend who finally really gets me. He is like the lover who is so handsome, I never want my eyes to leave Him. He is the essence of my joy.

On to the next topic, we are scooching to Memphis. Jed will be the IT director of NICS. We are actually very excited. Jesus is some kind of a crazy lover who never alerts me to what will happen. This is actually fabulous. He is breaking my control freakedness. He is redoing my to-do lists. He is loving me and wooing me and pushing my butt so the scooching and slogging is a bit quicker. He is slowly but surely morphing my heart. I once confided in my friend, Chip, who has twin boys AND a little girl that I am a control freak and I like my ducks in a row in many areas (not all). Her jovial yet truthful response was, "Good, God will probably give you twins". That is a spiritual truth. heehe. Seriously, Chip knows the same Jesus I do. The Jesus who is in the slog turning fingerpainting to professional artwork.

I am exhausted. I WILL write more later. Peace!