October

Jed recently took a business trip to Korea and Malaysia. Was I jealous? You can't even imagine. But more on that later. I did not do a whole lot while he was gone besides be jealous, work, and tend to Braden; but I did have the honor of having Eli and Jude spend the night one fine Friday evening. Rox, one of my oldest and best friends, is their mamma, and you have no idea how much I love her and her family. Anyway, here are the kiddos playing outside together.

Eli, the super serious oldest child, does not exactly enjoy having his picture taken, but I did get one good one of his sweet face. :)
Jude--aka Ju-Ju, on the other hand adores the camera and was created to perform.
Braden loved having them here...
And when Jed returned, Halloween was quickly upon us. Here's Mario trick-or-treating at his Grandma's house. We went downtown with a few other families and kiddos and had so much fun trick-or-treating for the 45 minutes that it lasted. Here's Wyatt, Braden's partner in crime, Luigi!
Eli and Ju-ju, the awesome superheroes!

There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters

I felt like you'd like another picture, so here it is....my amazing sisters whom I love and adore more than life itself.

The picture editor is at http://pixlr.com/o-matic/

Did I tell you I'm in love? Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Random

*A Hair Stylist's Nightmare*

A friend sent me the coolest picture editor today. So I needed to try it out. This is from June...can we say sliiiightly overdue?

I've had a rough few months but am now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll write more about that later. I keep saying that, and I am obviously a liar. Oh, well...you can't always be good.

The New Blog

I have successfully watched July, August, and September pass by without writing. You're welcome. I wish I could blame it on the pregnancy, a time of peace and respite in my life, or something else noble. But it is because I've been such a wreck that I have had no clue what to write about. I probably need to post an update on our lives, on Braden's little evolving world, and post some pictures. And I will. But I also am going to write about what I have been going through, and what I am still going through.

Warning: this blog is about to change, and I am not going to be advertising it on facebook or anywhere else, but if you know someone who is struggling through similar things, you are welcome to share it. And if you're embarrassed for me that I am writing this and *gasp* putting it on the WORLD WIDE WEB, you can unfollow me or stop reading my blog. I will NOT be offended. :)

Ask me about my marriage, my child, my spiritual life, my job, my opinions, and I'll tell you everything you want to know (and everything you DON'T want to know...I'm quite a talker). And therefore I create a mirage for others that I have it together and I have some answers! But the truth is that I am actually private about things until I have been through them and have come out alive, better, and with an important lesson to teach others. I have been incredibly convicted of my motives for this over the past month. I do NOT want you to know that I am struggling. I want you to know that I've struggled. I do NOT want you to know that I fall apart on a regular basis. I want you to know that I have fallen apart before. I do NOT want you to see me cry, know that I feel insecure and vulnerable, or know that I don't have it together. I want you to know that those are all in my past and now I have it together because I am superwoman, I am an awesome wife, and I am the perfect mom all while working and overcommitting to the max degree. All of these are lies from the pit of hell. I AM struggling, I AM falling apart, I AM crying a lot, I AM insecure, and I AM NOT any of those awesome things I mentioned a minute ago. I have also had some of the darkest nights of my life in the last few months that have been filled with anxiety and I have not wanted to get out of bed some mornings.

God has been gracious enough to place a couple of close girlfriends and a few close family members in my life who have walked with me through the last few months. And they are still walking with me. I have felt loved by them and not judged, and I have really needed it. I have not needed answers or 10 things to make it better, and they have gotten that. They have listened, loved, and said, "We're here and we're not leaving."

I HAVE needed my Daddy's sermons, and I HAVE needed worship in a completely new way. I am learning to fall in to the arms of a Father who UNDERSTANDS, who sees my weaknesses, who dances over me when I am sobbing, and who gives me sufficient grace, righteousness, and joy in the midst of pain.

I am going to use this blog as a place for me to talk about the dark nights, the struggle to "get" God, and the weakness that I have experienced. I am not fixed, and that is my story. It will be until the day I die and God restores and fixes everything about me. But I have a God who heals me and who wants me and who sent his son to do everything I wish I could do for me. And I'm going to fall more and more in love with the reality of this.

Whew. I'm exhausted. More later....

Thanks, John Bunyan!

John Bunyan:

Sometimes when my heart has been hard, dead, slothful, blind, and senseless, which indeed are sad frames for a poor Christian to be in, yet at such a time, when I have been in such a case, then has the blood of Christ, the precious blood of Christ, the admirable blood of the God of Heaven, that run out of His body when it did hang on the Cross, so softened, livened, quickened, and enlightened my soul, that truly, reader, I can say, O it makes me wonder!

The Doctrine of the Law and Grace Unfolded (London, 1708), 183.

I swear I'll be back to write about what's been going on in heart and home very soon...but for now, know that this verse is quite defining for me right now.

Blogging at Ruminate

I've long been a Poetry Reader for the literary magazine, Ruminate. I LOVE the magazine and am honored to read the submissions each round and help decide who will be published.

Today I blogged for their blog what's been on my heart lately. :)

Click here to Check it out!!

Loving Difficult People

Have you ever had someone wound you by being "ugly" (as my mamma would say)??

Have you ever had someone completely drive you crazy and annoy you half to death?

Have you ever had someone accuse you of something you legitimately did not do?

Have you ever wondered if someone's mamma didn't spank them enough?

Have you ever become a hermit during certain events because you wanted to avoid a certain person?

Have you ever wondered if people think that about you?

I haven't.

Just kidding. It happens often to me, and I don't handle it well. Sometimes I bottle it up. Sometimes I practice to the mirror what I'd say back if he/she said that again to me. Sometimes I fall apart and cry. And almost always I mentally defend myself because I feel like what God says about me is not enough.

I've been struggling with my response to people who hurt me over the last 6 months or so. So a couple of days ago I found Beth Moore's "Loving Difficult People" study on youtube. Some of you just read Beth Moore and are really excited, but others of you (possibly my Presbo friends) are thinking that she's not what the pastor recommends. I was in the same boat a few weeks ago--but now I say that when you give me the name of another FEMALE who has recorded Bible Studies that are Biblically sound and speak to me like this, I'll listen to her too. :)

Anyway, check the first part out Here:

Loving Difficult People

And once you listen to it, on the right side you can choose part 2,3,4,5, and 6 as well. Part 6 kicked my butt. I listened to the whole thing during my workout this morning. It. was. awesome.

Also, does anyone follow someone's sermons or Bible Studies that really speak to you? I'll listen to men but am particularly even more interested in women speakers. :) Comment much if you have ideas for me!