The Best Full-time Job

I am looking for a full-time job. It is hysterical to me that when I go to work with grown-ups, I will get paid money. And it will be easier than what I am doing here now. It will. Someone might say "thank you" when I do something nice. I won't have to tell them, "Say thank you." Someone might even ask me how my night last night was or how that dinner was that I'd been planning. No one will cry because they want applesauce instead of bananas or outside instead of inside. I won't have to put anyone in time out. I'll have deadlines that are weeks away, not in 5 minutes. I'll dress in cute clothing instead of yoga pants and a t-shirt with no-make up and my hair in a hot mess on top of my head. I'll go to meetings where people don't talk on top of each other or scream until someone listens. I'll probably even eat lunch at a table instead of while chasing children.

But you know--I'll probably still have goldfish on my pants where my kids hugged me. Just a thought. And I'll probably keep it on my pants because it reminds me of them and of how they love me and how I'm the luckiest person in the whole world because I have two little rascals who drive me nuts and never thank me and are loud and dirty and stinky and demanding.

Those kids really are the best job in the whole world. And they're really cute too.