Sunday, February 19, 2012

Five to Ten, Baby!

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to write more this year. I know you totally guessed that by the fact that I haven’t even told you that Bennett was born in December and instead I just posted a picture of the picture that I still have not mailed out because I suck at my to do list lately (did I say lately? I was deluded for a moment. I meant always.). Apologies for that precious run on sentence.

This writing thing sounds easy. It is so hard. I know what I want this cute little space to be. I know I need a new header (nobody said I was a techie). I know what I need to write about and I even think God has called me to write about some specific things. But it’s very difficult for me because I am a people pleaser and I wonder what people will think. I wonder how if it will affect my undeniably professional image *cough*. I wonder if my more conservative friends and family will be embarrassed. I wonder if people will expect more out of me—like maybe they’ll expect me to be a nicer person or to have it together more or to wear cuter clothes or learn how to put on makeup the right way or stop biting my nails.

But I also know that it shouldn’t matter if those things happen. Part of my resolution is that it doesn’t matter who reads or doesn’t read this blog, I just know I need to write because I really feel convicted that it is what God wants me to do. I have a hard time listening to Him, but in church when Daddy or Chris preaches or our worship team is leading us in worship, I hear the Spirit telling me to write sometimes. It kind of embarrasses me to write that. Like my whole Presbyterian life I thought that those crazies who God spoke to were, well, crazy. And then He brings me to a new place in my desperation for Him and He starts to ask things of me because He wants to show me some things.

So I’m actually going to try to write for just 5-10 minutes a few times a week. And I’m going to stop the expectations on myself that I need to write for longer, and I may even have to end a blog mid sentence because Bennett’s diaper just exploded or Braden turns the graphics sideways on the computer (like he did this morning when I was in the other room keeping a very watchful eye on him and NOT reading tweets. ahem.)

And there's the end of that one. I think I wrote for 12 minutes because I’m an awesome mom and Braden and Bennett are actually sleeping. Or maybe I just forgot to turn the monitor on.


Roxanne said...

This makes me happy. I'm glad you're writing again.

Mary Edwards said...

This made me smile. Especially the whole "God speaking to you" part. I have felt similar convictions with similar reservations. I'm glad you wrote about it. Maybe God will use your post to help me and others keep from quenching the Holy Spirit. (Ahh! so un-Presbyterian of me!)

Jed said...

1. I really wish you would stop biting your nails
2. You have a gift in writing and I'm glad you're starting again
3. You ARE an amazing mom.
4. Thank you for being vulnerable and for pressing into Christ as He moves in your heart.
5. You're good at Just Dance 3.