Giant Fail of a Yard

In high school, I used to love cutting the grass on my parent's few acres of land. I'm quite certain it had nothing to do with putting on a bikini, being on a riding lawn mower, and getting a tan. That would be plain vain.

When it comes to our backyard now, I do not even slightly know where to begin with our yard and flower beds. My excellent way of dealing with this has been to ignore that we have a yard or flower beds. You see, I'm very wise and like to consider the long term effects of my actions.

Because I am a mathematician, my evaluation of this issue currently goes something like this:

Baby B
+

=

It's so sad. It really is. I'd like a place for Braden to play in which I do not dread looking around me. Yes, aesthetic beauty is something that I like. So judge me. Below you can find pictures of our gorgeous flower beds. Weeds and dead shrubbery are my specialty.

And check out the pictures of my son squealing as Nikki places her paw upon the door and pleads, "Release me from the throws of domestic hell."
Here is our backyard--complete with falling fence, grass and weeds in the flower bed, and an entire yard of weeds.

Somebody please call HGTV. Isn't there a show that can help me? Please. Nikki is begging. All she has ever wanted in life is to find a beautiful place to "compost" upon. A beautiful patch of green grass. An escape from her master's demands to "stay in your bed," or "lay your head down."
Well, we did do a bit of work on everything. Pictures of that to come soon.